i’m so obsessed with emptying my blatter completely to the point where i sit on the bathrooom for 30 mins literally forcing myself to pee as much as possible even if it brings me pain. and then after i finish and go back into my room i feel like my ocd might be tricking me and making me think i have to use the bathroom and pee AGAIN! even tho i just spent 30 minutes in there. and recently i always get up and use the bathroom again and everytime i go i literally barely even pee. and sometimes i don’t at all. and it’s so annoying bc the second i go back to bed it physically feels like i have to go pee and it’s so hard to ignore the feeling and convince myself that it’s just in my head so these past times that this has happened i always end up giving in and getting up to use the bathroom. i’m literally feeling like getting up and usuing the bathroom rn again after spending 30 minutes in there and i’m finding it so hard to not go. i feel like after j finish typing this i’ll go straight to the bathroom. idk how to deal with this

back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.

I have pure ocd i think , i always gotta make sure i do certain things like tap things , light switches on n off , shut things few times and re open them till it feels right . Walk in a room go back out and back in out in in till my mind is right Its exhausting

I’ve noticed this new obsession with having to pee right before bed, like even if I have to pee a little I can’t fall asleep until my bladder is completely empty. Anyone else have a problem like this or knows how to cope?