Apologies in advance for the babbling. I'm kind of scared to have therapy. I mean, I've had it twice before (not for OCD, just for general stuff) but I never really felt an impact from it. It may have been because both instances were child therapists that would report back to my mom. I've never been comfortable with indulging information about mental illness with my parents, because they'd react quite badly. For example, when I was ~13 I had suspected that I had Autism SD, specifically Asperger's, since I fit the bill. I told my mom, and she told me that I did have Autism, as I had a Speech Therapist when I was a baby who informally diagnosed me with it. But of course, I was "cured" from it. She didn't really believe in me until years later my sister got a PWD card for her own mental illnesses. Then, she let me go to my sister's therapist in hopes of getting a second discount-I mean diagnosis. I didn't really want to go to that specific therapist because he may already have an impression of me before I even met him, but every other therapist nearby was booked. I hated talking to him. I felt like I had to put on a nice girl show because most of his questions revolved around my school and other patients he'd talk about. I prefer taking my time to explain, but he just kept cutting to the chase and saying "That's normal" befote I could finish explaining. The first two sessions were unsuccessful, and the therapist just said I was normal. I decided to just spill all the beans on the third session, but the pandemic stopped me. I was supposed to continue online, but my mom asked if she could have the therapy instead because she was so stressed. Context: Separated parents, dad paying for most things, including therapy. I caved in. Now, my dad thinks that I still have therapy, so I literally can't pay for a session anywhere. I can't use insurance either, because I'm from another country and I don't have medical. I barely have any money saved up because my mom takes it too. On top of that, I'm terrified of having online therapy at home because I don't want any of my family members hearing me. I share a bedroom with my nuclear family (excluding dad) and the walls are extremely thin. The closest thing I have to privacy is my phone passwords. None of them know that I suspect myself to have OCD, and my mom literally told me (not in English so it's not verbatim), "I can't have two children with mental illness," so I guess my slot's been taken. I've been telling myself to wait until college so I can utilize services in school, but don't know how much longer I can stay sane. If anyone has any suggestions that are hopefully free, please help a gal out! I guess I'll be posting more often?

Hi ❤️ I’m really struggling right now I’m in my sophomore year of Highschool and I’ve finally started planning or thinking abt my future (for context I was extremely depressed and suicidal from 6-9th grade) After conquering my depression this is a huge leap for me and I’m proud of myself ❤️ But there’s something still holding me down :( and I’m not sure what to do anymore that thing is OCD. Since 6th grade I have had strong and invasive intrusive thoughts all the time they scare me so bad and make me feel as though I’m not even real anymore :( I’m sick of taking the time to do ridiculous compulsions to rid or ease these thoughts it’s a waste of time and energy and it hurts me so bad I feel like I will never get to just live my life without this :( How can I plan my future when I can’t even find myself in this mess of anxiety 💔 I’m so tired of fighting my mental health it’s been years from anxiety attacks to sh to survived suicide attempts (I got help dw❤️‍🩹) and recovery there. Just to be thrown into a storm of awful scary sickening thoughts day and night-when can I just be a normal teenager and possibly a happy adult? How do I conquer this so I can love myself to the fullest and live my life free and happy? :( ❤️❤️‍🩹 I’m so scared to talk to my parents about it I’m ashamed of my thoughts and every time I bring it up they just say I shouldn’t be diagnosing myself or it’s just ADHD. It really really hurts me they have no idea how awful this feels and it makes me feel so alone sometimes 💔

I really do want to go to therapy or psychiatrist to diagnosed my OCD and give me a treatment but it costs a lot. OCD ruins my life and consumes my mind I wish I can take a break from my own brain. Having OCD but undiagnosed feels like I’m crazy because people think I made that up but they don’t know how I’m struggling since I was a kid. So anyone have an advice for treat OCD especially checking OCD that doesn’t cost money? because I don’t work yet..🥲

Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a difficult situation and I wanted to ask for some advice. I recently finished my studies and I am living from my savings while I look for a job. However this process has turned out to be a lot more difficult and tedious than I expected. I suspect I have OCD as I relate to a lot of the experiences described here, in particular those corresponding to pure OCD. I have continuous intrusive thoughts about how what I'm currently doing is not enough, I constantly need to reassured that what I'm doing is right, with some magical thinking and concerns about my relationship sprinkled in. These intrusive thoughts have made it very difficult to make any significant progress in looking for something. Added to this I'm not even sure I have OCD as I don't have the money to afford therapy right now (my mind keeps telling me that it's silly to write this message because there's no way I have OCD). I live in Switzerland so as far as I understand my insurance won't cover sessions with NOCD. In conclusion I'm a bit stuck, therapy would help with finding a job but I need a job to get therapy. If any of you have had any similar experience and have some piece of advice it would be very welcome.