anyone else scared theyre a bad person? and get worried and try to find parallels to prove they’re not evil when watching movies and stuff?

recently ive been worrying that im ''secretly'' a narcissist and that im accidentally hurting all of my friends. it really doesnt help that i do relate a bit to some narcisstic traits like having an unstable ego/''needing'' validation, although i suspect it comes from a different source for me (like OCD, maybe?). it also hurts because ive been trying to understand more stigmatized disorders like NPD more and learning more about them so that i don't add to the demonization, but i feel like doing so has also instilled the fear into me that im accidentally harming people i care about or that im not actually a ''good person'' like how i like to think of myself

does anyone else get really triggered when watching stuff to do with serial killers, p3dos, r@pists etc. I literally start to compare myself and check to see if i share any qualities with them. Ita really scary cause i really like this show Criminal minds, and i absolutely adore the characters, but its hard watching something i like cause of all the g0re and stuff. Not to mention all the thoughts that are convincing me i like the horrible stuff. Someone tell me if tou relate..

I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.