Hello all, I have two questions (posted at the end). So, I have harm ocd/fear of going crazy, and recently I feel like I’ve been getting better at letting intrusive thoughts sit with me without me analyzing them. However, now I’ve been experiencing unwanted urges/feelings, which I feel like are waaay worse. Today, I was with my dog, and had the intrusive thought of snapping her neck, and then I feel like I felt my hands want to do it. The worst part is that I didn’t feel immediate anxiety afterwards making it feel real, like I actually wanted to do it. Eventually, I thought myself into anxiety. I’ve actually grown to like anxiety because it helps me recognize intrusive thoughts as unwanted…and I hate when I don’t immediately feel it. My biggest compulsion is definitely rumination. 1: what are good ways for responding to unwanted urges (that feel so so real it’s scary) 2: what are good ways for responding to intrusive thoughts/urges when you start to feel less anxiety around them?

It reminds me of a podcast episode I listened to recently: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ocd-stories/id1065492988?i=1000519681749

The thing u said about your dog I’ve experienced and same with a knife around my family members feeling like I want to and am going to do it it fucking sucks I hate this I don’t know a solution other than to sit with the anxiety and not act on the thoughts. stay strong ur not alone I’m currently having an episode rn

Damn, I can relate to that. Honestly can’t help that much, just some own experiences: 1. Sometimes the fear, like in your case to harm your dog, gets so connected to a person/animal, that I instantly get anxious when seeing them. In my case I try to break routine a little, maybe you should walk your dog in different places, go different paths, maybe some new ones. Just don’t make it too hard, so you won’t get anxious about it. 2. I have a fear of hurting my cat. I have it for 5 years now and never did anything wrong to it (pretty sure you’re too, that’s why you are so afraid of it rn). That’s why I try to keep up the statistics: cuddle it, bring something tasty and play with. And every time I see that nothing wrong happend — it easies my anxiety.

Don’t try to test if you are experiencing anxiety. Instead look at anxiety as something that is irrelevant. I get what you’re saying, but it’s not a good indicator of OCD.

I feel this whenever I playfight with my dog. I feel like I want to do these things sometimes and its fucking me up

An answer to both if you are able because its hard, is remember it doesn't matter if you do or don't secretly want to hurt people or animals it matters whether you do it or not and that choice belongs to you. Your thoughts are not under your control, you aren't them and they don't define you, your choices do.