- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I doubt anyone is gonna read all this. I just needed to vent somewhere. Into the void 🗣 But if you did read this and reach the end, you’re the best kinda people & here’s a gold star: ⭐️
- Date posted
- 3y
i am so sorry to hear that you have gone through all of that , you deserve so much better. look , these people have hurt you , traumatized you in so many ways. you don't have to forgive them. cutting off people is good for you. going back to them will cause so much more pain , i promise that. don't feel horrible bc you don't wanna forgive them. you did that for you , for your mental health. anyways , i hope you'll find happiness one day
- Date posted
- 3y
First, thank you. You’re words mean a lot. So much more than you even know. It’s so hard for me to not just force myself to forgive someone. I always try to consider how other people feel, cause they never considered how i felt. And i try to put myself in their shoes to understand better. But i do make mistakes and am rude sometimes. Secindly, This all would be so much easier to deal with if i didnt struggle so badly with hocd. Even now my hocd and instrusive thoughts are going haywire, it’s like i can never catch a break:(
- Date posted
- 3y
@hate_ocd.123 no problem! and i get it , ocd always finds their way to make things more difficult. it's exhausting actually. you deserve so much more. you deserve people who actually cares about you. for your ocd i recommend listening to podcasts , maybe it'll help you a bit!! i hope you'll feel better bc you deserve it <3
- Date posted
- 3y
you don’t owe anyone forgiveness EVER. but if you choose to forgive people, then power to you! and if you choose to forgive nobody, power to you! your mental health and happiness is so so important! i’m sorry that you have gone through those things. your kindness doesn’t need to be forgiving, sometimes not forgiving people id kindness in itself. do what makes you happier, you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s happiness. i hope you feel better soon<333
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much, your words mean a lot. And thank you for reading, that was incredibly long haha
- Date posted
- 3y
you're finally prioritizing yourself and pinpointing who hurt you, and this alone needs so much strength!! i have never heard of someone as strong as you! whether or not you choose to forgive them is up to you, because forgiveness is hard, it really is, especially when you've been hurt so much by so many people you loved. don't hate yourself for not being able to forgive them. you literally don't have to. if forgiveness to you is closure, then go on, but please never forget what they did. i am not trying to fuel you with rage, i am just trying to tell you that IF you do, set boundaries, and let them be firm. on the other hand, if cutting them off is closure to you, then do so! don't feel bad cause they're "family" or at someone point they were close to you, they didn't feel bad when they were relentlessly hurting you and blaming you for it. i understand your parents would be the hardest to emotionally "separate" from, but if you are willing to forgive them, don't be fooled by their present kindness. it sure is super nice if they've changed, but again, BOUNDARIES. until you feel safe and comfortable enough, don't let your guard down. it's not about being "tough" and "cold hearted" towards them, sure you can still have all the fun with them and be as close as you wish, but just be careful because doing so will unravel shit ton of trauma. i am honestly the worse at advice, i myself have a manipulative mum. one moment she's just the monster in my nightmares and the other she gaslights me because she "never did that" and them starts acting nice and it makes me think "is it my fault for being so angry at her and saying all those bad things about her?". anyway, just please be careful, i love you and care for you, and you are the most amazing and strongest person i have ever heard of, so please take care and if you need me i am here for you, always❤
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm truly sorry to hear all this. I know this may seem pretentious, but i think you do deserve happiness so be kind to yourself first and foremost. I also suffer with hocd and my brain tell me that I'm attracted to guys, even though i know i always want to be with a woman. I'm sorry about that stuff you had to hear about denial. Hopefully better days are showered on you 👍
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 10w
First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?
- Date posted
- 10w
Hello 😭, so uhm I’m kind of in the point of my POCD where I’m just tired. I just need to get it all out and get some sort of instruction of how to just idk live? So for me my childhood is pretty blurry. I have a few real event blended with false memory events there but other than that I’m a csa victim. And the way I tried to cope? By fetishising nyself, making CP of myself, seeing my life goal as being used, raped and a prostitue. Self destructive behaviour through talking to pedophiles and seeing my only worth as if I was sexually attractive. Which made me kind of numb to CP as a coping mechanism I guess. And heres’s where my main event of REOCD/false memory ocd comes in. I have a few events in my life when I’ve accidentally stumbled across CP ish mangas or just plan abuse and not had a big reaction. Some of them I even liked the story. And my ocd LOVES playing with it, making me truly believe I enjoy and get of from CP. I’ve also had quite a few dreams. A few days ago I had a dream about me getting triggered by something I did in the dream. Which I now can’t figure out if it actually was a dream. But also moments overall where I’ve unintentionally touched my private part while my siblings are in the room or when I found a guy 2 years younger than me pretty in 4th grade. Or a few of my only friends who turned out to be younger than me, and I had talked about sexual things (like fan fictions, my trauma ect) with them. AHSHB I absolutely hate ruminating and I’m tired so so so so so so tried 😭 idk help me? Please TT
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