- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I doubt anyone is gonna read all this. I just needed to vent somewhere. Into the void 🗣 But if you did read this and reach the end, you’re the best kinda people & here’s a gold star: ⭐️
- Date posted
- 3y
i am so sorry to hear that you have gone through all of that , you deserve so much better. look , these people have hurt you , traumatized you in so many ways. you don't have to forgive them. cutting off people is good for you. going back to them will cause so much more pain , i promise that. don't feel horrible bc you don't wanna forgive them. you did that for you , for your mental health. anyways , i hope you'll find happiness one day
- Date posted
- 3y
First, thank you. You’re words mean a lot. So much more than you even know. It’s so hard for me to not just force myself to forgive someone. I always try to consider how other people feel, cause they never considered how i felt. And i try to put myself in their shoes to understand better. But i do make mistakes and am rude sometimes. Secindly, This all would be so much easier to deal with if i didnt struggle so badly with hocd. Even now my hocd and instrusive thoughts are going haywire, it’s like i can never catch a break:(
- Date posted
- 3y
@hate_ocd.123 no problem! and i get it , ocd always finds their way to make things more difficult. it's exhausting actually. you deserve so much more. you deserve people who actually cares about you. for your ocd i recommend listening to podcasts , maybe it'll help you a bit!! i hope you'll feel better bc you deserve it <3
- Date posted
- 3y
you don’t owe anyone forgiveness EVER. but if you choose to forgive people, then power to you! and if you choose to forgive nobody, power to you! your mental health and happiness is so so important! i’m sorry that you have gone through those things. your kindness doesn’t need to be forgiving, sometimes not forgiving people id kindness in itself. do what makes you happier, you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s happiness. i hope you feel better soon<333
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much, your words mean a lot. And thank you for reading, that was incredibly long haha
- Date posted
- 3y
you're finally prioritizing yourself and pinpointing who hurt you, and this alone needs so much strength!! i have never heard of someone as strong as you! whether or not you choose to forgive them is up to you, because forgiveness is hard, it really is, especially when you've been hurt so much by so many people you loved. don't hate yourself for not being able to forgive them. you literally don't have to. if forgiveness to you is closure, then go on, but please never forget what they did. i am not trying to fuel you with rage, i am just trying to tell you that IF you do, set boundaries, and let them be firm. on the other hand, if cutting them off is closure to you, then do so! don't feel bad cause they're "family" or at someone point they were close to you, they didn't feel bad when they were relentlessly hurting you and blaming you for it. i understand your parents would be the hardest to emotionally "separate" from, but if you are willing to forgive them, don't be fooled by their present kindness. it sure is super nice if they've changed, but again, BOUNDARIES. until you feel safe and comfortable enough, don't let your guard down. it's not about being "tough" and "cold hearted" towards them, sure you can still have all the fun with them and be as close as you wish, but just be careful because doing so will unravel shit ton of trauma. i am honestly the worse at advice, i myself have a manipulative mum. one moment she's just the monster in my nightmares and the other she gaslights me because she "never did that" and them starts acting nice and it makes me think "is it my fault for being so angry at her and saying all those bad things about her?". anyway, just please be careful, i love you and care for you, and you are the most amazing and strongest person i have ever heard of, so please take care and if you need me i am here for you, always❤
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm truly sorry to hear all this. I know this may seem pretentious, but i think you do deserve happiness so be kind to yourself first and foremost. I also suffer with hocd and my brain tell me that I'm attracted to guys, even though i know i always want to be with a woman. I'm sorry about that stuff you had to hear about denial. Hopefully better days are showered on you 👍
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 7w
since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.
- Date posted
- 7w
First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?
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