18+ ONLY TW: POSSIBLE SEXUAL ASSAULT/HARASSMENT Ok so I want to explain my situation so I can get other people’s insight onto what I should do with this. In high school, I had a free period to study and one of the guys in my grade suddenly kept sitting next to me. When he did, he would “play around” and grab my thigh or poke my boob. I laughed nervously and idk if i told him to stop or not but i definitely wanted to. A different guy from my grade who happened to be in the same class, noticed and asked if i was ok. He decided that he would try to sit there instead, so several times he just told him “hey me and ________ have some homework to do and i need her help” and so my friend would sit there instead, but the guy would try to push it saying “really? What homework?” I guess he did it to another girl i knew and she got mad at him for it, and I was finally able to stand up for myself a bit. I remember he realized he’d fucked up and as an “apology”, he handed me a stick of gum. Then not even 10 mins later in the lunch line he grabbed my shoulders. I also had a very very toxic relationship with a friend for around five years. Starting sophomore year she would grope my ass and boobs. My friend mentioned to me this year that she did the same thing the year before, but no matter how hard I look I genuinely don’t remember that happening at all. I’m saying all this honestly one to get it out there, but also bc I’m confused. Was i harassed? Assaulted? Was i just too weak to say something? Im so confused on what happened and how i should feel. My friends said it was harassment but then now when i talk to my friend about it she says it wasn’t. I’m not asking for someone to say it is or isn’t, but I really want to know wtf was that?

Tw* abuse / coercion I recently broke up with an ex we were on and off five years. I woke up this morning with disturbing memories of things that he did. Previous of my ex I dated a guy in 9th grade who took advantage of me he asked me to perform an ( oral act) I didn’t know how to do. I agreed and he was rough with me eventually I told him to stop multiple times and eventually I was able to break myself free from him. Now my ex of 5 years we made out a lot but we hadn’t made it to a certain part. In public he would always groupe me and when we would go back to his car to make out ( I was 14 he was 17). As teenagers I didn’t have a problem about the making out we were both horny teens but my issue was this one night. I remember the exact date we made out but he was more aggressive then he usually was and he wanted to take things further I told him no I’m not ready for that. Every time I said no he would make out with me more aggressively to change my mind and at some point we both ended up in our underwear. He then kept begging me to basically ( continue with the rest of it ) I told him no multiple times until I eventually gave in and said yes because he wouldn’t budge to me saying no and every time I did he would make out with me more aggressively. Once I said yes the rest was history. I remember that night I layed in bed crying and my skin felt disgusting like I wanted to rip it off. I slept there with no blanket without changing my clothes because I felt shame. Now that I left him finally I still get disturbing memories of that night and the other times after that he would beg me to do acts and if I kept saying no he would grab me aggressively or groupe me aggressively. I have never told anyone in my life this story because idk how they would react to this. I feel like I was sexually coerced and abused and he will do it with another girl. And I blame myself for thinking he would ever change. Prior to me breaking up with him we would make out but even when I told him no he would start kissing me aggressively until I gave in and when I denied it all together he would act like a baby. I hold myself accountable for us making out but sometimes I didn’t want to and he would ignore that. Other times he would groupe me in public and make out with me then beg for head. Sometimes I wish I had someone to guide me and teach me about people like this because I am an older sister of sisters. I have a father that I am not close with and he’s narcissistic like my ex. I just hate the memories because they literally come at any part of the day. I feel like some of the things he did to me I forgot some of them and that’s why they come back.

I have a dear friend who happens to be fat. I like to tease him because he's a bit shy but it's playful not disrespectful. One day I was messing around with him and I thought it would be funny because he was very fat to act like a creep and reach out with my hands with the grabbing motion as a joke, and I think I playfully pinched his man boobs (I don't really remember but I suppose I did that). It was a joke and I didnt really put much thought to it when I did that as I didn't have ill intent, but I still made him uncomfortable, I'm afraid he felt molested and that I did SA. Even though man boobs are not a se&ual body part I still should have not done that. One day I put an arm around him nothing weird and he told me he was uncomfortable with physical touch, so from then I understood where he was coming from. So I respected his wish and I stopped having physical contact with him entirely. Now lately I've been overwhelmed with a big guilt and a lot of anxiety over what I did that day. I stopped with the fat jokes and just started being more thoughtful with my approach as a friend, just giving him advices, but without trying to make him change anything or making him feel bad abt himself or give unwarranted critics as I did before. We kept being good friends despite that awkward event, and he probably forgot it and it doesn't weigh to him as much as it does for me for what I did. After some time when I was overwhelmed with guilt after realising what I did despite not having bad or se&ual intention, I apologised profusely for what I did that day and he was very chill and told me "relax, don't worry abt it, really". We went to the movies together and I bought him a nice present for his birthday that he appreciated a lot. I still feel guilt. I can't let this one go and I'm sure that you guys agree what I did was very wrong and I agree. Nothing changed, we're good friends. But I feel like I commited SA. It's a guilt that I can't let go and probably shouldnt. I feel ashamed. Even though I try to reassure myself because we have the same circle of friends and they touch me inappropriately all the time as a gay joke and they do that between themselves and do not think much abt it, and one time my same friend did laugh in the car when my other friend kept touching me inappropriately as a joke. I don't know. I don't ask for reassurance and forgiveness. I'm not the type of person to self-absolve his own sins. Just telling this because I think people should know what I did.

I have a dear friend of mine who happens to be fat, and no shame in that, I just like to tease him because he's a bit shy, but it's playful not disrespectful. Like I used to tap his belly as a joke, i stopped that though. One day I was messing around with him and I thought it would be funny, because he was fat, to act like a creep and reach out with my hands with the grabbing motion as a joke, and I think I playfully pinched his man boobs (I don't really remember but I suppose and it's very probable that I did that). I wasn't really thinking much abt it, for me his man boobs were the same as touching his belly: funny, neutral and harmless. But I tried to pinch myself and I didn't like it, i think it feels violating and I'm afraid that's how he really felt. It was a joke and I didnt really put much thought to it when I did that as I didn't have ill intent, but I still made him uncomfortable, I'm afraid he actually felt molested and that I did SA. well he did say he felt molested but not in a very serious tone, but more like a midly uncomfortable awkward tone, like "pause, don't do that", and i was ok, but it didnt cross my mind until much later. i didnt mean it to make him feel that way, it was something fun like a tease, so for that I apologised much later when i realised it and the guilt was eating me, and then he said not to worry abt it. but it doesnt that change that i made him feel molested, i think it's because he's too nice. even though it was a joke. i take it as a lesson not to cross boundaries that have not been set yet, to be careful in the future to do physical touches as a joke, even though it might be normalized in the friend group. I hope it's just that and not something more serious like SA because I really didnt mean it that way, like im not even gay, but still. there wasnt much intention, but more like an impulsive joke that resulted inappropriate without me realising. Even though man boobs are not a se&ual body part I still should have not done that. One day I put an arm around him nothing weird and he told me he was uncomfortable with physical touch, so from then I understood where he was coming from. So I respected his wish and I stopped having physical contact with him entirely. Now lately I've been overwhelmed with a big guilt and a lot of anxiety over what I did that day. I stopped with the fat jokes and just started being more thoughtful with my approach as a friend, just giving him advices, but without trying to make him change anything or making him feel bad abt himself or give unwarranted critics as I did before. We kept being good friends despite that awkward event, and he probably forgot it and it doesn't weigh to him as much as it does for me for what I did. After some time when I was overwhelmed with guilt after realising what I did despite not having bad or se&ual intention, I apologised profusely for what I did that day and he was very chill and told me "relax, don't worry abt it, really". We went to the movies together and I bought him a nice present for his birthday that he appreciated a lot. He regularly talks with me without any problems, he supports me etc... I still feel guilt. I can't let this one go and I'm sure that you guys agree what I did was very wrong and I agree. Nothing changed, we're good friends. But I feel like I commited SA. It's a guilt that I can't let go and probably shouldnt. I feel ashamed. Even though I try to reassure myself because we have the same circle of friends and they touch me inappropriately all the time as a gay joke and they do that between themselves and do not think much abt it, and one time my same friend did laugh in the car when my other friend kept touching me inappropriately as a joke. I don't know. I don't ask for reassurance and forgiveness. I'm not the type of person to self-absolve his own sins. Recently I asked him abt it again and he didn't remember and preferred not to talk abt it. He mentioned to me that another friend, which I dislike because he's a creep, saw him and squeezed his chest and you could he didn't like that at all; i don't think he did it lightly, knowing that guy i think he did it hardly. Now I'm obsessing that if I actually did it, if I did it hard, which i didnt think so.