How do people cope with a lack of support at home? One of my ocd themes is contamination and I sometimes have very very dry hands that are really noticeable and people will comment on them. My dad doesn’t really “believe” in mental illness despite all my diagnoses and appointments with specialists, I’ve been diagnosed with ocd for eight years now. He is very against medication and when I was taking it, he’d ask every day if I was still using it, would I ever stop taking it, when will I stop taking it, etc. so I just ceased it myself to keep him quiet and he was so glad when I did. Tonight he said that my hands looked awful, I need to stop washing them, I need to stop using so much soap. He’s brought this up many times these past few weeks but today I just burst into tears. I told him he’s not the one who has to deal with them, I’m the one who’s in physical pain every time I move them, that I don’t enjoy washing my hands so often, and that he never even tried to understand what it’s been like all these years. I’ve pretty much accepted that this will be something I’ll always struggle with. When I’m medicated I feel a little better, I can often challenge the urge to wash my hands but as I said he hates the idea of medication as well. I can’t win. I’m sorry for the lengthy post, I’m tired and sad and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’ve had the worst week at work and this has tipped me over the edge.

I know OCD is a hard thing for those around us to cope with, but man… I feel so dismissed by the people in my life. I actively stopped seeking reassurance from them — but they can still tell I’m sad, so when they ask me why, I tell them, and this is what I get: My mom: “Oh my god, you’re on this AGAIN?! You’re driving yourself crazy! If you refuse to go on pills, I don’t know what to say at this point.” My boyfriend: “This is just getting repetitive. You’ve been so sad lately, and if you’re gonna be a bummer to be around, then I don’t know what to say.” Honestly, I don’t feel like my support system is very good, but maybe I really am just driving them crazy and need to own it? Because, believe me, I wish I could just stash it all away and be okay, but the whole issue is that I can’t. Plus, ERP literally tells me to do the opposite, and I’m still learning how to do ERP properly, so it’s gonna take time. I started ERP therapy. I bought self-help books and I’m reading them. I’m doing meditation daily. I’m moving my body and trying to keep doing what makes me happy. But, it seems like if I’m not 100% better immediately, no one has patience for me.

Having ocd is so incredibly exhausting and depressing- my mom and dad argued with me for over an hour talking about how im a pain to be around, go in too many loops, and ruin everything and everyones mood… this conversation started with me saying im stressed out because of school and that i dont want to go because im exhausted- and idk if this is like ocd directly but it takes me like 2 hours to get ready in the morning because i need to look PERFECT and the same everyday literally 😭 and that process feels so exhausting every morning at 6am but i will NOT go to school without going through with it- i will literally be crying and shaking and wanting to go home the minute i get to school if even a single strand of my hair is not perfectly straightened or any blemishes or flaws are showing- and i cant even walk to school or anything bc im scared the humidity will mess with my hair and everything- and it just really affects my life? And yeah its freaking exhausting. And i have two more years of highschool and I dont know if im going to make it 😭i get super stressed over grades too because i need them to be extraordinary otherwise its a fail. Nothing below 95%. And thats also tiring! 😁 and my mom told me today “medication IS NOTTTT AND OPTION!!!” Like oh okay so im just cooked 😭 and therapy isnt really helping me at all- i feel like what im being told is so basic and generic and it doesn’t help me when im in a huge ocd episode- which is often… and what i hate most is like my mom says “don’t come to me with your problems after 6pm…” im sorry i cant schedule my feelings 😭 im so tired

LONG VENT POST: This is my second post of the day. Seriously, I am SO sorry. I have therapy tomorrow, I promise I will shut up after this lmao. Anyway, for Memorial Day weekend, I spent it at my aunt/uncles vacation house. Fortunately it wasn’t a big crowd - just my mom, grandmother, aunt, uncle and I. For context, I come from a pretty big family, and I am the youngest of 7 cousins and a younger sister to two brothers. All my cousins are in their early to mid 20’s, each very successful in school and their careers. My half brother is 29, and absolutely crushing it. My full brother is turning 23, he’s also doing amazing with school. I just turned 20 in April, I feel very lost. I know I want to be a forensic psychiatrist one day, and that I want my PhD. I want to be the best therapist I can be, but the fact that I barely get by with ocd/adhd has been discouraging me, so I currently feel like a flop. Anyway though, spending time with my aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents triggers my ocd the most, as majority of them can be on the judgmental side. ESPECIALLY my aunt, she’s on my moms side, and she and my mom are total opposites. My aunts a very calculated, straightforward, logical, stern, sassy buisnesswoman. She’s successful, but lacks a lot of understanding and can be so cold and just mean. My moms a kindergarten teacher in a struggling community, and she’s always thinking about others before herself, extremely emotional, caring, but neglects her own needs a lot. They’re sisters, and they bump heads a ton. My aunt and all of her kids aren’t neurodivergent. They simply don’t understand mental health. My mom does, thank god. My aunt and uncle think that if a kid is having a psychotic break, then that kid should be kicked out of the house and not helped at all. My mom and I entirely disagree with this idea, and that someone clearly mentally suffering NEEDS mental health help asap, and they need to be home. The streets are the last place someone suffering should be. While we were vacationing at the house, my mom argued about this with my uncle. I was asleep, thank god, but I seriously hate having people in my family like this. I can never tell them about me having ocd, they’ll think it’s just an “excuse” for not getting things done, or just me trying to feel special. The reality is, they don’t get it. My full brother went through the worst psychotic break a few years ago. It lasted two years on and off due to bipolar disorder, but thank god he got himself help and he’s doing absolutely amazing now. He’s frustrated and embarassed with himself but now he’s on track, and as I said, crushing it with school. But the entire time he was going through this, my aunt and uncle just didn’t understand. To keep it short, they thought his mental problems were behavioral, and that he’s a “crazy” kid. The reality is, he was coping with the loss of his childhood best friend and our other uncle who was like a second father figure to us. He had manic episodes from the grief and self medicating with drugs and alcohol. This was all the while Covid was happening and he was a freshman at a college states away. He was so vunerable. I’m saying all this because, well, how am I to seriously be forward about my mental struggles when they couldn’t even show the slightest amount of empathy to my brother, who was struggling, so much more intensely than me? I’m quiet at family gatherings when they’re around for this exact reason. I have so much resentment toward them for it. I try to avoid them when I can, because I love them, I just hate their actions/views. What do you guys do with these kinds of people?