Mayte
- Date posted
- 4y
MayteMayte
- Date posted
- 4y
Or do I wanna die? I don't know I don't want too but what if I do end up doing it!! I don't want to but it feels like I do :/ what?? I'm so confused! I just wanna find a goal like a career, I wanna get rid of these ugly thoughts and not question life! I wanna cry I don't like these thoughts nor the feeling! I just wanna feel good! What if I never do and end up killing myself?! I'm worried I won't make it in life I started crying when I told my sister!
MayteMayte
- Date posted
- 4y
Ahh I'm literally so quiet right now my head feels like it's gonna start to hurt. I don't even have the urge to hurt myself but Im worried I'll end up loosing control and do it! I'm not severly stressed just wanna throw up by the thought of it I wanna cry!!
Luu Luu
- Date posted
- 4y
Take a deep breath. Lay down for a couple of minutes and think of those who love you.
MayteMayte
- Date posted
- 4y
I already started crying. I'm shaking too.
AineAine
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey hun. I understand. Honestly, was having a bit of an episode myself. I felt VERY similar to what you have explained when I was younger. What you are experiencing are intrusive thoughts. They are sneaky and well disguised, but they are OCD and that’s all. They really suck to deal with, I very much understand. They feel very real and very true in the moment. However, they are not originating from you. OCD is a bully and it likes to take what we are afraid of and use it against us. When I was younger, I struggled so badly with these kinds of thoughts that you are experiencing. I was very afraid of myself all the time. Yet, in hindsight, I didn’t need to be. My instructive thoughts were actually showing me what was important to me, in the sense that they were opposite. Intrusive thoughts are exactly that. They are intrusive and barge in uninvited. We don’t expect them or plan on their visit. It’s a very annoying, rather difficult, part of OCD that does not determine who you are or where your life is going, even though it feels like it.
Luu Luu
- Date posted
- 4y
How did you overcome? I can’t even do anything anymore
AineAine
- Date posted
- 4y
@Luu I wish I could tell you that I have overcome them, but honestly it’s still a struggle. When I was younger I didn’t know that I had OCD and so when I initially learnt that, it helped me not be so afraid. It was comforting to know the REAL reason I was having those thoughts, which wasn’t any of the thousands of reasons OCD was telling me. It just came down to understanding it was OCD and not me. But that said, I still have a long ways to go with learning to deal with intrusive thoughts and some days are easier than others and some days I can’t do anything either. I just have something to blame it all on (OCD) and that helps.
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- Date posted
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