- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Or do I wanna die? I don't know I don't want too but what if I do end up doing it!! I don't want to but it feels like I do :/ what?? I'm so confused! I just wanna find a goal like a career, I wanna get rid of these ugly thoughts and not question life! I wanna cry I don't like these thoughts nor the feeling! I just wanna feel good! What if I never do and end up killing myself?! I'm worried I won't make it in life I started crying when I told my sister!
- Date posted
- 4y
Ahh I'm literally so quiet right now my head feels like it's gonna start to hurt. I don't even have the urge to hurt myself but Im worried I'll end up loosing control and do it! I'm not severly stressed just wanna throw up by the thought of it I wanna cry!!
- Date posted
- 4y
Take a deep breath. Lay down for a couple of minutes and think of those who love you.
- Date posted
- 4y
I already started crying. I'm shaking too.
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey hun. I understand. Honestly, was having a bit of an episode myself. I felt VERY similar to what you have explained when I was younger. What you are experiencing are intrusive thoughts. They are sneaky and well disguised, but they are OCD and that’s all. They really suck to deal with, I very much understand. They feel very real and very true in the moment. However, they are not originating from you. OCD is a bully and it likes to take what we are afraid of and use it against us. When I was younger, I struggled so badly with these kinds of thoughts that you are experiencing. I was very afraid of myself all the time. Yet, in hindsight, I didn’t need to be. My instructive thoughts were actually showing me what was important to me, in the sense that they were opposite. Intrusive thoughts are exactly that. They are intrusive and barge in uninvited. We don’t expect them or plan on their visit. It’s a very annoying, rather difficult, part of OCD that does not determine who you are or where your life is going, even though it feels like it.
- Date posted
- 4y
How did you overcome? I can’t even do anything anymore
- Date posted
- 4y
@Luu I wish I could tell you that I have overcome them, but honestly it’s still a struggle. When I was younger I didn’t know that I had OCD and so when I initially learnt that, it helped me not be so afraid. It was comforting to know the REAL reason I was having those thoughts, which wasn’t any of the thousands of reasons OCD was telling me. It just came down to understanding it was OCD and not me. But that said, I still have a long ways to go with learning to deal with intrusive thoughts and some days are easier than others and some days I can’t do anything either. I just have something to blame it all on (OCD) and that helps.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Idk whats going on…my mental state hasnt been great these past two weeks. My eating is being affected in a neg way due to transition between therapists, school, and ignoring my sexuality….Ive been taking several different kinds of quizzes over the past week regarding mental health and ED and i realized that if i dont eat enough to feel full i’ll end up sick or worse dead. It doesn’t help that i also just started my period. And i just woke up in the middle of the night with food, hydration, and possibly not waking up in mind. And tried going back to sleep but then i realized that I might actually have a problem on my hands and that jolted me awake. Now im scared of sleeping and not making it through the night….i could easily get up and make myself an oatmeal even though im not hungry atm, but dont wanna wake family that are sleeping in the living room. Im scared of dropping more weight than I already have been and having my nutritionist intervene…. Im realizing that im fucking myself up from not eating well and being too picky and i wanna slap a bandaid on it and just eat everything to hopefully gain some weight before my next nutrition appt. I’m just scared of things getting worse….is this part of OCD or is it just me just plain out ignoring my body cos in feeling like it??? Idk what to believe about myself anymore….
- Date posted
- 20w
I've been really overwhelmed with thoughts of detransitioning even though I don't want to like thinking I'm not a boy. It's been making my anxiety go up like crazy but I've never had this problem this much before, and I've always felt so proud of who I was and stuff but I don't know why this is coming up all of a sudden and I'm scared. I don't want to detransition but these thoughts won't go away. I often have feminine interests and have been trying to get into a better mindset and I feel like those things are making me feel more feminine and I don't want to feel that way.
- Date posted
- 12w
I usually would say I’ve never been depressed , but recently in my life since my anxiety/ocd has been so bad and having relationship problems I’m feeling kinda sad / stressed. I keep getting scared of being depressed I keep having intrusive thoughts of “ you’d would be better off if you weren’t living” “ I don’t wanna live if it’s like this” and it’s just scaring me 😞
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