Someone please help me . I’m so tired of this gender identity thing . I did a compulsion and googled gender dysphoria symptoms and I had a panic attack . One of the articles said that sometimes children with gender dysphoria say that they are bi to suppress that they are trans and I remember when I was little I did think that I liked girls once but then I got older and realized I don’t but now I just don’t know . I took a self assessment test to see if I have gender dysphoria and it says that I don’t but then idk if I was lying or not and when I see articles on symptoms of people with trans ocd I know it sound just like me and that being a man dosnt align with who I am but then I feel like I’m lying about that too . Then it’s what if I’m non bianary ? What if I get used to the thoughts and I start to actually be comfortable as a boy ? I feel like I can’t do anything , I can’t be a mom , I can’t be a gf , I can’t be a friend a daughter and can’t do anything . I feel defeated and sad . I don’t want to be trans but it feels like I have no choice and I can’t take that I will never know if this is ocd or who I really am and it’s starting to feel like this is who I am and it makes me sad . No one around me understands and I feel like I’m putting to much on my friends and family with all of this. I just want it to stop

I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.

Guys no no no I just searched something up on the trans subreddit and I saw a meme saying “it’s probably just ocd” and I’m panicking again. I’m not even sure it’s ocd. I’ve questioned my gender before and I’ve been a tomboy since I was like 11. I even once TOLD SOMEONE I wanted to be a boy. I’m freaking out because this HAS to be denial at this point. I knew I shouldn’t have looked on the subreddit. I’m so DUMB. I hate this I’m freaking out my stomach has turned over. I don’t know what this is anymore. I’m getting over it but it also feels like I’m “accepting” that I’m trans. I don’t know what to do because I wanna be a girl!! I don’t wanna come out and transition and everything. If I look back at my early days of my tocd I feel like it’s word for word symptoms of OCD but I also feel like when I found out it was ocd my symptoms became more like ocd. I dont wanna accept I’m trans! I was doing quite well until I went on the subreddit! I’m so scared because I think it’s not ocd at this point. I HAVE to stop going on that stupid website. The only time I had “dysphoria” is disliking my boobs, but I remember in the early stages of puberty I was so excited to wear a bra. I’m so confused help please. I sometimes feel like I’m forcing myself to do compulsions because I just want to think it’s ocd. I’m so stupid WHY DID I GO ON REDDITT

Please someone help me. I feel like I’m in denial. I feel like I don’t have ocd. It’s too real. The intrusive thoughts aren’t as frequent, I don’t have anxiety or do compulsions. I’m not even against the thoughts anymore. I can’t explain how real it feels. It can’t be ocd and the thing is I just don’t want to like girls. That’s it. I just don’t want to. But that sounds like I’m resisting my sexuality and it feels like this too. I’m sorry to everyone on this app but I don’t think I’m like u anymore. If things like internalised homophobia and comphet didn’t exist then I’d know I was straight but they do so now I think I’m just that. I don’t want to marry a girl or have sex with one or anything. I want to be straight and just fucking live my life. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I haven’t had a crush on a boy for years even though my ‘ocd’ started in the summer. I’ve had loads of male celebrity crushes that I’ve felt like I’ve loved and I don’t understand how those could’ve been fake but they must have been. Compulsions don’t comfort me I just watch tv to distract myself and that’s it. I can’t do this shit anymore. I don’t want to like girls but I have to be either bi or lesbian. Please I just want to be straight I don’t get it.