Someone please help me . I’m so tired of this gender identity thing . I did a compulsion and googled gender dysphoria symptoms and I had a panic attack . One of the articles said that sometimes children with gender dysphoria say that they are bi to suppress that they are trans and I remember when I was little I did think that I liked girls once but then I got older and realized I don’t but now I just don’t know . I took a self assessment test to see if I have gender dysphoria and it says that I don’t but then idk if I was lying or not and when I see articles on symptoms of people with trans ocd I know it sound just like me and that being a man dosnt align with who I am but then I feel like I’m lying about that too . Then it’s what if I’m non bianary ? What if I get used to the thoughts and I start to actually be comfortable as a boy ? I feel like I can’t do anything , I can’t be a mom , I can’t be a gf , I can’t be a friend a daughter and can’t do anything . I feel defeated and sad . I don’t want to be trans but it feels like I have no choice and I can’t take that I will never know if this is ocd or who I really am and it’s starting to feel like this is who I am and it makes me sad . No one around me understands and I feel like I’m putting to much on my friends and family with all of this. I just want it to stop

I feel like I’ve lost my identity and I don’t even know who I am anymore. My OCD is saying I’m not a woman but I hate that. And I fear that it isn’t OCD, and that I just genuinely am trans or gender fluid or something. I just can’t accept that no matter how hard I try. All I want is to feel like myself again. Pronouns are a trigger for me and they’re literally EVERYWHERE. It’s just so difficult. In a way, I miss having harm OCD or existential OCD or even health OCD because atleast I was still me. But it isn’t fair to say that because as I was going through them, they were awful. The grass is always greener I guess. I’m just feeling a little bit hopeless and alone, because I don’t think ‘gender questioning’ is a very common theme.

I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.

Guys no no no I just searched something up on the trans subreddit and I saw a meme saying “it’s probably just ocd” and I’m panicking again. I’m not even sure it’s ocd. I’ve questioned my gender before and I’ve been a tomboy since I was like 11. I even once TOLD SOMEONE I wanted to be a boy. I’m freaking out because this HAS to be denial at this point. I knew I shouldn’t have looked on the subreddit. I’m so DUMB. I hate this I’m freaking out my stomach has turned over. I don’t know what this is anymore. I’m getting over it but it also feels like I’m “accepting” that I’m trans. I don’t know what to do because I wanna be a girl!! I don’t wanna come out and transition and everything. If I look back at my early days of my tocd I feel like it’s word for word symptoms of OCD but I also feel like when I found out it was ocd my symptoms became more like ocd. I dont wanna accept I’m trans! I was doing quite well until I went on the subreddit! I’m so scared because I think it’s not ocd at this point. I HAVE to stop going on that stupid website. The only time I had “dysphoria” is disliking my boobs, but I remember in the early stages of puberty I was so excited to wear a bra. I’m so confused help please. I sometimes feel like I’m forcing myself to do compulsions because I just want to think it’s ocd. I’m so stupid WHY DID I GO ON REDDITT