Someone please help me . I’m so tired of this gender identity thing . I did a compulsion and googled gender dysphoria symptoms and I had a panic attack . One of the articles said that sometimes children with gender dysphoria say that they are bi to suppress that they are trans and I remember when I was little I did think that I liked girls once but then I got older and realized I don’t but now I just don’t know . I took a self assessment test to see if I have gender dysphoria and it says that I don’t but then idk if I was lying or not and when I see articles on symptoms of people with trans ocd I know it sound just like me and that being a man dosnt align with who I am but then I feel like I’m lying about that too . Then it’s what if I’m non bianary ? What if I get used to the thoughts and I start to actually be comfortable as a boy ? I feel like I can’t do anything , I can’t be a mom , I can’t be a gf , I can’t be a friend a daughter and can’t do anything . I feel defeated and sad . I don’t want to be trans but it feels like I have no choice and I can’t take that I will never know if this is ocd or who I really am and it’s starting to feel like this is who I am and it makes me sad . No one around me understands and I feel like I’m putting to much on my friends and family with all of this. I just want it to stop

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

I think when people are saying OCD is egodystonic is really triggering me and I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else? I’m going through a really bad relapse and right now I’m trying to figure out if my thoughts are truly egodystonic, like I how do I know I won’t act on them, how can I trust my emotions and everything. I feel really confused and I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore or how I carry on with life because it’s so long and I’m so unsure of everything that’s going on in my head. Like how do I know that this is OCD and true desires/urges. I’m so confused.

I just can’t do this shit anymore.im tired of these “arousal” sensations that feel real but when I go check my arousal to the same gender I just get anxiety. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t like girls anymore. I’m tired of my arousal getting blocked every now and then because I’m anxious. I’m tired of not knowing who I am anymore. I’m tired of having my mind putting me into an identity I never asked for. I’m tired of this life