Hi guys, just want to ask for advice. What is good ERP for the obsession of “I will not be happy when I become a mother” I am pregnant right now. Thank you!

It’s that I am happy now that I am pregnant but just the fear that thoughts will come when I gave birth hence will not give full attention to baby. How did u manage to do it?

@Merri I had my son prior to getting any real OCD treatment. It was hard, but maternal instincts kick in and I found myself doing what I needed to do for my son anyways, with lots of help from my family. It's kind of its own ERP in a way. To get up and continue doing what you need to do despite feeling paralyzed by OCD. You could also do a script exposure where you write over and over "It's possible l will have negative thoughts after giving birth. It's possible that my baby will not have my full attention." And practice sitting with that uncertainty.

@KalynGriffiths Now I having thoughts what if I don’t love my baby when he comes?I am trying to think the scenarios that I don’t love him, but i think this is compulsion. Forcing not to love him now so that I will be ready in the future😔

@Merri Yes I did some script exposure too where I wrote a whole scenario about having a baby but then getting divorced and not enjoying parenting. I listened to myself reading it every day on a recording. And had to just sit with the anxiety and let it pass

@Merri Anything where you’re engaging with the thoughts instead of letting them be there is a compulsion. Thinking of those scenarios is a type of rumination. There’s no way for you to prepare for what you’ll feel or won’t feel when your baby is born. I know it’s hard, but try to focus on other things. When the thoughts come, agree “yeah, maybe I won’t love him” and try your best to move on with your day.

@Orange-Colored_Glasses Thank you so much guys, I’m scared right now coz I’m trying to force myself and for a minute I feel I don’t love him (my baby) and it’s freaking me out. I guess I will have to sit with this discomfort.

@Merri Yes, I know it’s very uncomfortable, but your future self will thank you!

Thank you!

So u did that ERP during pregnancy? How was that experience?

@Merri It was really helpful! I actually did ERP before getting pregnant (when trying to decide if I wanted kids or not).

@Merri Therapy has been so helpful. Started again after having baby and parenthood is much more manageable when OCD is under control

@Anonymous What kind of thoughts u had before? And what ERP did u do?

@Merri I just could not decide if I wanted to have a baby because I wanted certainty that I would enjoy it and it was the “right” decision. Most if my ERP was focused on relationship OCD instead but I would sometimes watch movies with a mom and kids (showing the struggles of parenting) and deal with the anxiety it caused. Even going to a baby shower was an exposure and I had to avoid ruminating or googling or asking other people if they think I’d enjoy being a parent, etc.

@Anonymous Thanks for the advice. To be honest I’m scared to do ERP coz I think it will make my thoughts/feelings come true. Like being unhappy and dont love my child. I hope this feelings will pass soon.

Good point! OCD tries to make things black or white when really most things are shades of gray.

Yeah I have a supportive husband. I know I want this baby and I love him, but the fear that being pre occupied with OCD will make my motherhood miserable

@Merri Have you thought about working with a therapist during the first few months? Hormonal changes can increase anxiety. A therapist and support from family and friends might be beneficial. :)

@Bailey253 My first months actually was not bad mentally wise. I am focused on my nausea and vomiting, ocd thoughts did not bother me so much. Thank God. But now anxiety is not too much, but I just can’t keep on thinking about it

@Merri I meant the first few months after the baby is born.