I wanted to explain how my depersonalization feels so I don't know if anyone will understand so basically I feel as if I'm in someones head like a person or thought in someones head having her arms on top of her bended legs sitting down just watching and in my head I feel like :/ as I do things it feels as if my arms are doing them and as if I have no control over them as if they work on their own and when I see myself in the mirror I'll say is that me? Why do I look like that? Why do I look like a stranger? Is it that really me? I guess thats the best way I can explain it but I don't really feel it right now but when I do it feels like that. My derealization I can't remember how normal feels like so I can't tell if I'm already out of this feeling or if its still here? It might not be here anymore and maybe things look weird cause I play video games a lot and so when I go outside or look up everything looks bleh fake and weird.. Thats how it also happened last year around where we weren't allowed to go out I had gone out after a long time and as I was driving the outside looked so fake or felt fake then I remember seeing people come out of their vehicle and I wanted to ask them so bad if theh were real I felt as if they were fake... I felt different so I can't remember the exact feeling I just remember gagging cause I was nervous since I had barely gone out...

I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.

i came out of it now i’m back in , what helps?

I think when people are saying OCD is egodystonic is really triggering me and I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else? I’m going through a really bad relapse and right now I’m trying to figure out if my thoughts are truly egodystonic, like I how do I know I won’t act on them, how can I trust my emotions and everything. I feel really confused and I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore or how I carry on with life because it’s so long and I’m so unsure of everything that’s going on in my head. Like how do I know that this is OCD and true desires/urges. I’m so confused.