i have a male co worker - enough said for someone with a boyfriend who’s in a committed relationship and doesn’t want anything to ruin it. my brain will go to things that could ruin it. having a male co worker around sorta my age he’s a little older then me, is annoying as fuck. iv had thought like regarding “attraction” to him, i wouldn’t do anything (as typing that my brain was like but would u do anything really? saying like what if i possibly would) - and i hate it literally bc it’s like why am i even thinking this like stop just fucking stop i wish i could just work alone and not around males- i am attracted to females but they r different to me - males are just completely uncomfortable regarding my committed relationship i just wish i couldn’t associate with them at all bc of my thinking.. i think i just need male validation bc of my fathers emotionally unavailableness. i only just recently found that out that i like to have male validation bc of that. i have talked and engaged with a lot of males in my past.. and because of my ocd told my boyfriend now about that (like last year) and it ruined our relationship but everything’s ok now. but ya.. it really sucks having to deal with this. i applied to another job where there’s a lot more females then males. i don’t feel the same towards females and my partner knows i’m attracted to them- so it doesn’t give me much anxiety. & what sucks is when i’m asked does ocd give u anxiety - yes this part of it but it is so hard to explain so i just say no. other parts it could give me anxiety but not as much as this one.

I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad

So I recently met this girl and honestly she is amazing. She’s beautiful and her personality is perfect. She lives only 15 min away from me and I feel blessed to have a chance to get to know her, we both feel the same. But here comes OCD to ruin it. My OCD has latched onto a friend of mine. He’s a pretty close friend and we talk often. He’s never really one to let out a laugh so I always like to hear him laugh and just be able to have a good time. Partially it’s because I just don’t want to think I’m annoying and unfunny, I’m pretty self concious about myself. OCD is turning this into some sort of scary what if I like him question. I don’t have romantic feelings for my friend and I don’t actually want to be with a man. I am a straight male and getting to know this girl has been a blessing. OCD makes me feel in denial and as if I’m lying to myself. I hate this. It feels awful, when I haven’t felt this way about a girl in a long time

I’m going to be very vulnerable in the post which is hard because I’m very ashamed of myself. I started a retail job last year in July when I was 18. I had worked as a server for like 3 months prior when I was 17. These two jobs were the first jobs I’ve ever had. My boyfriend and I had also just switched to long distance after about a year of knowing each other and 6 months of dating. Moving here is when my Rocd really started. I worked with people who I found attractive and it really freaked me out having to be near these people everyday and having to interact with them. I had never been in a position like that before ever and this is also my first real relationship. I was in one for like 6 months prior but that wasn’t as serious. I’ve always been insecure and I’ve always cared what others thought of me. I was also so used to being ugly and I was finally pretty. I started caring what cute people thought of me and I’d change the way I walked and my mannerisms to appear more attractive I guess. Once I started my retail job, a specific coworker would go out of his way everyday to interact with me. I found him attractive so I found it really difficult to interact with him and I didn’t really like it. I was mean but in a playful way and that’s how most of our interactions went. Somewhere along the way I became obsessed with the fact that I might’ve cheated or maybe I flirted or maybe I did something wrong and crossed a boundary. I went out of the way to interact with this coworker once by checking out as his register. I also cared about what he thought in regard to my appearance. I never complimented him, exchanged socials, or did anything to make myself seem single, at least that’s what I thought. I never talked about my boyfriend to him either though. It wasn’t because I wanted to appear single, i just didn’t know how to bring it up in a way that wasn’t weird. I wasn’t sure if he would flirt with me or if he was just being playful. He never said anything blatantly flirty. This made me spiral so bad that I ended up shaving my head and eyebrows to make myself ugly, then I went to the hospital. After I came back, he stoped talking to me. I did go out of my way once to talk about my boyfriend and that was like our last interaction. He didn’t even know that I had one. I did tell my boyfriend about this coworker and our interactions though. I told my boyfriend I might’ve had a crush. I’m not sure why I did that but my confessing was out of control. Then a new coworker came and I also found him cool and attractive. I’d basically be myself x10 and I’d try to be more noticeable. I wanted him to think I was cool and attractive and I wanted to be noticed which I know was wrong. I’d make my jokes louder, try to dress a little cooler, I’d draw at my register but I’d try to make it noticeable or maybe I just hoped he’d notice idk. Once I had realized I was attention seeking I completely tried to stop, to the point where I was overly aware of every single thing I did. I honestly struggled working or interacting with any guy at my work. I feel like I just convinced myself these people were attractive sometimes and I’d always become super aware of my mannerisms and I’d try to do everything in a more attractive way. My pocd also started to get really bad. It was too much to handle so I decided to apply for a job where mainly, if not only, women worked. My mental health was literally in the gutter. I’d go to the bathroom multiple times during my shifts, I’d always check my Reddit posts, I’d feel sick for days and I wouldn’t eat. Once I started my new job I noticed a big change in my mental health. I’m so much better now though I have days where I still feel sick or still feel like a horrible girlfriend/person. The problem is, I only work like 10hrs a week and I need to save up for so many things. I literally can’t afford anything right now. I’ve been applying for second jobs but I haven’t heard anything back from any place I’ve applied to over the course of 2 months and I’ve applied to so many. My old job offered me a full time position and I was only working part time when I worked there. I’d get better pay, more money, and better benefits. My boyfriend and I have also been discussing us moving in together and if I went back to my old job, we might actually be able to afford it. I just know that my mental health will be at a horrible risk though. I can’t imagine working in an environment with mostly men again, men my age. I’m scared I’ll start attention seeking and stuff again or I’ll find people attractive again. I don’t want to feel sick every day again. I’m just not sure what to do. I still attention seek whenever walking by an attractive person, like I’ll try to seem more attractive. I don’t know how to stop. I genuinely don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to like experiment or date other people. I want to be loyal and marry my boyfriend. We have so much in common and he’s such a good man.