DON'T read if you're paranoid. I need opinions on whether or not to confront a friend. I am so upset! A friend of mine and her then boyfriend had a habit of recording conversations (without my knowledge) years ago. He would record her and her friend's convos, sometimes she even knew about it and didn't tell us. I remember at the time that I was very uncomfortable about it, but I was too "kind (naive)" to make a fuss about it. This went on for years, on and off. They even recorded me and another friend's conversation (about 3 hours) while none of them were even there and listened to it the day after! Wtf. One time I was at her house (this was years after the beginning of this), it was just me and her, talking about all kinds of stuff, as friends do. I had an ongoing joke (a disgusting joke that went all over the place, that I regret more than anything) and I made some weird impulsive comments. Later that night I felt my foot touch something under the couch. I looked under and yet again the recorder was on! This was years after she was with that other guy, so there was no excuse for her to still be doing something that deceitful against one of her closest friends. She sent some parts to her ex boyfriend, but later claimed to have thrown her own copy away. It's been 7 years since that episode (have seen her under 10 times since), but we are still good friends.🤷‍♀️ Suddenly this whole thing came back to me and I am so mad about this completely unacceptable behavior that she was never really confronted about. At the time she was 28 years old, no one that age does stuff like that. Now I'm thinking about the disgusting jokes and feeling sick to my stomach. I am feeling extremely traumatized by this whole thing, and paranoid. Should I bring this up 7 years later and ask her what happened to our convos?? Sorry, so long! I am just so pissed☹️

This might be a bit disturbing but it’s been weighing on my mind. From all the posts I’ve made, I’ve talked about how I was influenced at a young age and saw things I shouldn’t have seen. A lot of it. I can’t remember much because it’s blurry and all muddy and in different timelines. Sometimes I genuinely don’t understand why I would do such a thing or how I could and I would constantly overanalyse things from the past. These things lead me to do things to myself out of trying to understand and curiosity and mimicking actions like kissing others in preschool. I made stupid mistakes I can’t take back and it weighs on me a lot. I don’t and can’t remember so much honestly but when I was at the age of 8, I inappropriately touched someone and it wasn’t out of harm but to understand why. What I did was wrong and the whole context of the situation is messed up but I knew to a certain degree it was wrong ( I spoke to this to my therapist who was very understanding and told me these things happen a lot when kids are young ) I remember at the time I felt guilt and realised I wanted to be a good person. I thought I was dammed for what I did and there was no coming back for me but I remember apologising to them and never doing it again. I had to keep this with me for so many years and it broke me a lot. I matured and realised my actions, spent time crying, thinking that maybe I shouldn’t be here, and was filled with a lot of shame and guilt with nobody to be there or know about this. I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared. I was scared to also be badly punished but eventually as time passed, the person passed away and nobody knew about the story. This year I began opening up and for the first time I opened up to people about this because I wasn’t doing good mentally and spent days—months ruminating, panicking, and thinking I was a monster for everything. I never thought I would but it was with people I trust who loved and accepted me. I told them the situation and how I felt. I told my therapist briefly and she told me we could continue this convo the next time and that I didn’t have to tell her everything but… It didn’t make sense to me. I felt like I needed to confess everything or else I was a fraud. I do definitely care about their justice ( justice overall ) for what happened to them regardless of them not being here and I’m beyond sorry that something like this happened to them because of my stupidity when I was younger. I try my best to be understanding and compassionate to myself but sometimes it’s all filled with hatred and shame and guilt but I’m trying. People say confessing makes things worst. I feel like this is something that needs to be confessed but Ive already admitted my actions, regrets and told others about this but yet it’s still there . I’m not an angel but I do know, these stupid past mistakes have made me more empathetic to people and not wanting things like this to happen to anyone. As I’ve grown I’ve realised how these things can distort your view of reality at a young age because now as I’m older, I understand so much more than my younger self would. Sometimes I don’t know what to say. I don’t know why I did certain things and people at my age were probably more matured and smarter than me. A lot of things happen in different timelines but I’ve matured so much and I understand my mistakes and the impact. I feel safe to talk about this to my therapist or here but to my family and others.. I don’t know what to say. I’ve made so many stupid mistakes and feel like I need to confess everything. I didn’t want to ever talk about this to anyone because I didn’t want to make things worst for people. This happened so many years back and I just didn’t want to bring the past into the present. I know that I have no right to really suggest this because that person was a victim. I don’t know what I should do. Confess? Or let it be in the past? I mean my therapist and close friends know about this.

I try my best not to ask for reassurance, I really do. One thing has been bothering me a lot for a few hours now: A (former?) good friend of mine and I are meeting up next Thursday to talk about the situation our friendship is currently in (since I write a lot anyway and like to digress, I'll spare you the details for now). But to cut a long story short: it’s tense. Now, I've been "stalking" her on social media relatively often since the whole thing started, actually almost daily and on all socials. What really bothers me is the thought of whether I'm really stalking her at this point or not. I know that the term now has a pretty distorted meaning, especially on social media, but at its core, stalking is not only punishable by law, it's also morally wrong and indicates disturbed behavior. I noticed earlier that she somehow blocked me on Twitter/X. I have a very random user name there that she doesn’t know and I was also firmly convinced that you can't see when people visit your profile. It's stressing me out in two ways right now. On the one hand, I'm actually afraid that my behavior can now really be described as "stalking", and on the other hand, I'm confused and unsure about how she could even notice me on Twitter. Apart from social media activity, there were 2 "real" situations about 2 months ago in which I felt, in retrospect, that I had crossed a line. I "tracked" or checked (actually legally) the online activity on Whatsapp (EU) of her and a second person to see if they were online at the same time and therefore possibly writing together and she was lying to me. She knows about this since I told her. The second time was in person, when I went for a walk with another friend in the park behind my school and then saw said friend sitting there after she said (at school) that she was going home. I immediately panicked because I thought she was lying to me again, which is why I went up to her and pretended that I had just happened to pass her with the other friend. I didn't actively follow or spy on her on purpose in any way, however, up until a few weeks ago I did actually have the urge to do so. I'm quite aware of the legal boundaries and would never cross a line there, but I'm more concerned about the morality. I know that it probably sounds a lot like reassurance-seeking up to this point, but I don't really want to hear from others whether what I'm doing is directly considered stalking or not, because I'm going to have this heavy feeling either way. Instead, I would like to know what advice you would give me in this situation, either because you have actually been stalked yourself or simply because you have advice from a more distanced perspective than mine. I want to add that although I was officially diagnosed with OCD that I am sadly not in professional treatment yet and that I have been wondering for years now if I may fit the diagnostic criteria for BPD as I believe to have a lot of common “quiet BPD” symptoms, the friend mentioned being my FP.

Basically, My best friends both remained close with my ex. Someone who completely broke me when we broke up. My friends know that. They remained friends with him, pretty close too. It’s always bothered me, even 3 years down the line because it’s something I would NEVER do to them. Ever. My best friend cancelled some plans we had, which was very unlike her. I asked why, she said she’s going on a walk with a friend. I was like fun! What friend? And she didn’t want to say, from that, I knew it was my ex. She then confirmed it to be my ex. It was clear I was annoyed. I’d had a shit day and that topped it off. She then cancelled the plan with him. I felt awful. I said no, just because I’m annoyed please don’t cancel. I said I’m not mad at you, I’m disappointed about the situation and the way things are. She was very understanding and said that she does not blame me for feeling upset about it. I asked her to please not cancel the plans because of me. She said she wanted to move it to another date anyways. Am I a bad friend for feeling annoyed/uncomfortable at the fact both of my best friends are close friends with my ex? It’s been 3 years and it still makes me SO uncomfortable.