DON'T read if you're paranoid. I need opinions on whether or not to confront a friend. I am so upset! A friend of mine and her then boyfriend had a habit of recording conversations (without my knowledge) years ago. He would record her and her friend's convos, sometimes she even knew about it and didn't tell us. I remember at the time that I was very uncomfortable about it, but I was too "kind (naive)" to make a fuss about it. This went on for years, on and off. They even recorded me and another friend's conversation (about 3 hours) while none of them were even there and listened to it the day after! Wtf. One time I was at her house (this was years after the beginning of this), it was just me and her, talking about all kinds of stuff, as friends do. I had an ongoing joke (a disgusting joke that went all over the place, that I regret more than anything) and I made some weird impulsive comments. Later that night I felt my foot touch something under the couch. I looked under and yet again the recorder was on! This was years after she was with that other guy, so there was no excuse for her to still be doing something that deceitful against one of her closest friends. She sent some parts to her ex boyfriend, but later claimed to have thrown her own copy away. It's been 7 years since that episode (have seen her under 10 times since), but we are still good friends.🤷‍♀️ Suddenly this whole thing came back to me and I am so mad about this completely unacceptable behavior that she was never really confronted about. At the time she was 28 years old, no one that age does stuff like that. Now I'm thinking about the disgusting jokes and feeling sick to my stomach. I am feeling extremely traumatized by this whole thing, and paranoid. Should I bring this up 7 years later and ask her what happened to our convos?? Sorry, so long! I am just so pissed☹️

voglia

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

First of all, how awful and unacceptable! This sounds totally traumatizing. You made the jokes with the confidence of a friend- you didn’t know you were being recorded! That’s not your fault. However, I do fear that you bringing it up 7 years later is seeking reassurance. Having a conversation with her won’t change what happened. Although I think she totally owes you an explanation! I fear your brain has latched an OCD to this old event (mine does the same). When I get paranoid, I also seek reassurance- but from my experience, it’s just rumination and will feed the OCD!

washie

Date posted: 4y

Thanks for your input! I agree about the reassurance seeking, but the jokes were completely out of character (driven by remarks from someone else) and was about something extremely important to me. I'm on the verge of a breakdown thinking about it. I also feel like I owe myself some peace of mind with all this. It's difficult to get good vibes from her as well, when I'm suffering so much because of what she did. And if she can give me some answers, maybe I can put this whole thing behind me. Won't ever trust her again though. But I do agree with everything you said. I'll keep that in mind! :)

whatadooo

Date posted: 4y

I think those conversations are dead and gone by now, no reason to dig up a time capsle. However if ur worst fears come up ever you'd win a court case for slander hands down! You did not give her permission to disclose those tapes neither get recorded in the first place!

whatadooo

Date posted: 4y

How come you are still good friends?

washie

Date posted: 4y

I have been asking myself that lately too! 8/10 people would not stay friends with someone like that. Clearly my self respect needed an upgrade at that point. Thanks for your response! :)

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