Is this depersonalization? -I feel like I don't recognize myself when I look at myself in the mirror. -Sometimes my movements don't feel like mine. -Feels as if Im inside someones head just watching them. -When I'm in a store I feel so tired and weird as if everyone is fake and the lights either feel so bright or very low. -Sometimes I feel like I don't recognize my family and It scares me because yesterday in a store I was with my sisters and I didn't feel like I recognized them and I was worried I would forget and go with a stranger but I know If I saw them In a crowd of people I would know it's them feels like if I don't... Confused if I'm loosing my memory. -I don't really feel like I'm here. -I sometimes don't even recognize my own home as if it isn't my house but I'm always here.

Terrified I’m going to say or do something wrong, as I’ve been known to loose control before, I’m terrified of myself. Something feels badly off all of the time, it feels like sometbing terrible is going to happen any second, all day. Bad night anxiety, stomach dropping, terrified to sleep and that I’ll die in my sleep, terrified I’ll sleep walk and kill someone or harm myself, terrified I’ll wake up to the worst news or someone’s going to need me and I can’t be there for them then they will be mad, harm themselves, ect Summer is always the worst time, spring it starts, fall I seem to do better and good during winter Self harm urges, I feel out of control, I cant stop and I don’t want to stop. I love cutting myself to put it blankly. Terrified everyone is going to leave, so many people have bevause in so bad at controlling myself, my anger, my anxiety, I push EVERHONE away and isolate for weeks BEVAUSE I don’t want to mess up anything but I just end up messing it up either way. I’m terrified brie is going to leave and I need her. I seriously do not think I could live without her. I was like that with Baylee too, and I hate it I know it’s not rifht but I can’t help but rely on her for all my sanity. If she leaves I feel I have nothing, nothinf to live for, it’s really kicked in with her in the mental hospital I’m tired all day everyday, mentally and physically, but yet can’t ever seem to sit still and sleep, really bad insomnia for the past 5 days I don’t want to get better, I really don’t, I want to get as bad as possible. I want to be worse than some of the people I hang out with or see on the streets, I want scars that are noticeable, I want deep cuts, I want to look like I havnt slept in days, I want to get as bad as I possibly can and I don’t know why I don’t even know who I want to be anymore, I don’t know how I want my personality, some weeks I’m a funny, sassy person, then I’m wanting to be a mean snappy quiet person, then I want to be no body at all, either I want to bring light to the room or be the person EVERHONE sees as quiet and self isolated, sometimes I want to be just a calm collected person so on different days in different things, I don’t know who I want to be Very intrusive thoughts about wanting to kill people, myself, an animal, ect One wrong small change in brie and I think she hates me and is wanting to break up with me, then she shows me love again and I feel like everhthing is perfect, if the love isint being presented rifht to my face in a very clear manner then I believe it’s not there Random, constant episodes of “Deja vu” where either everhthing feels fake and the world moves weird like I was drugged, or where I swear I’ve been in thid moment before causing lots of anxiety thinking everytbing around me is fake or everhthing was imagined and I had just zoned out feom the moment I’m deja’ vu’ing and that everything else was never real, Bad memory, remembering thinfs that never happened, and not remembering A LOT of thinfs, even big things Waking up from naps feeling drugged and not knowing where I am, like a bad nap in a super hot room, but it’s EVERY nap Need constant reassurance but the second I get it I don’t believe any of it and push away my partner even though all I want is for her to comfort me

anybody else deal with this?😔

Someone please respond to this, I really feel like I'm losing my mind. This is what I've been going through the past few months: - Been unable to stop googling obsessively about my behaviors - Feel unable to control my emotions - Constantly ruminating about being a bad person - Avoiding best friend and some relatives, feel super on guard around them, like they'll see I'm awful. - with my best friend, feeling resentful but arguing with myself that she's not a bad person, but still feeling irritated. - Easily irritated, feeling resentful of others in general - making up arguments in my head, then telling myself I'm crazy for thinking it - Struggling to be present with others, listen, and empathize. Mask and try to offer support then feel bad later. - Can't self regulate, always need to vent to family/friends/therapist - Always tired - Can't control thoughts - Analyzing my behavior constantly - Questioning my beliefs and motivations and if they make me a bad person. - Always finding new bad traits about myself/constant guilt - Social anxiety, people pleasing, and avoidance - Want to be alone but can't handle being alone for long, emotional dumping on people then isolating myself because I feel bad - Crave connection - Little enjoyment of anything - Feeling bad about my negative traits but feel overwhelmed about changing - Awful memory/brain fog - Crying a ton I feel like I have zero control anymore. Everyone says I'm not a bad person and I'm fine, and that used to help, but now it doesn't. I've reached out to friends, family and therapists, but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I'm extremely desperate.