- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Hello, I am new here. I can relate to stressors such as: “what do I do with my life and career?” Do I get a job to for money or for fullfillment, why is it hard to find both? I have been dealing with a lack of sleep and that just adds to my anxiety. I work on an ambulance and sometimes I will get 2 hours of sleep before my 24 hour shift and then only sleep 2 hours while on that shift. I want to sleep or nap, but its hard for me. Sometimes I don’t sleep due to panic attacks or anxiety. Other times I don’t sleep due to my own choices to stay out late. This all adds to the anxiety I already have about what I am doing in life. I want to be happy and make a positive impact in the world. I guess I chose fullfillment over money. However, I am still lost. I think too much about why I am here. Why was I born, why am I on the planet earth in the current circumstances I am in, what is the purpose of life? Is their a God that put me here for a reason? Is this all random coincidences and life is pointless? It has to be somewhere in between. Which is also where I am in life. I am inbetween schooling and currently working. I want to go back to school for nursing, but its been rather difficult to get in. I also question if I truly want to go back to school for nursing as well with all the options available to me career wise. It sounds like you have a lot going on and I just wanted to share this with you. I am not great at giving advice and I don’t know that you want it, especially from me, a stranger. I hear what you are saying, and I understand the urge to prove to people like family members or others of your worth. Is there anything I can say that might be benificial to you? Alas, I am no therapist, but maybe I can be a relator.
- Date posted
- 4y
First of all i want to say thank you for responding back your story sounds sooo familiar and relatable. My friend keeps telling me work a security job night shift because its easy and you can learn and do other work but you SACRIFACE A TON OF sleep which like you said lack of sleep causes more blurr, anxiety and panic attacks. To hear your getting 2 hours of sleep is really tough and I know how that feels. At one point I would wake up in middle of night when my ocd was a high 10 and have an intense anxiety attack and couldn't go back to sleep. Now my mind gets so active overthinking about WHAT we are talking about that its hard to sleep with a noisy mind because I'm in a RUSH to find something stable or something fulfilling. IDK what to choose either fulfillment or money its seem like im getting pulled from all directions... make a lot of money and save or enjoy my life and have fun why not both is it possible to do both and achieve and have a good time?Also you saying options available to you career wise sounds similar to me, I don't know if I truly like my career that I'm currently in or if im even ready to be committed to other careers that takes a lot of focus. People give me advice but i always seem to keep going back into this loop, but you responding and sharing your story helps me know im not the only one. I ALSO WANT TO MAKE AN IMPACT ON THE WORLD.. i want to feel like im making a difference in peoples life and being above average in life, like someone to be remembered but also this cancel culture is also making me anxious and that i need change myself in order to do that. I can go all night on this
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m sorry you are struggling with these things and losing sleep over it. I also find myself going over and over things like “what am I going to do next?” “I never make a choice that makes me happy” “can I even be happy?” or “how will I know I’m choosing the right path?”. I completely relate to both of your comments about whether the important thing is feeling fulfilled, having money and enjoying life, or making a difference. I hope someday I can have all of those. It helps me to think that all of them don’t need to come from my career. I don’t have a solution but you are not alone.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah its tough especially seeing your friends doing their careers and going further too and I can't help but feel jealous and resentful as if my chances are over which isnt true at all but the fact im going through jealousy too and resentment as well. Let's not forget OCD too
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
I’m 21. The 3 year anniversary of my graduation from high school is soon. Lately, I’ve been worried about where I’m going in life and if it’s even worth it because I don’t know why I exist or what my purpose is After graduating I lost a new job I loved due to poor management on my boss’s side, they failed to teach me my job then fired me for it, and moved from my mom’s house into my dads house due to issues with my stepdad, both of which put me into a depression. I got a new job 3 months later. But ever since being fired and moving out, I feel like I’ve been in a depressive cycle of Eat, Sleep, Work, Repeat. I’ll get home and doomscroll for hours, and occasionally play games with friends at nights. Occasionally I’ll do my hobbies but usually feel guilty for it. I don’t see my friends and family nearly as much as I used to. I want to, but it feels like everything I want to do, my intrusive thoughts find a way to keep me at home. “It’s a waste of time.” “You need to be productive on your time off or you’ll go nowhere in life so stay home.” But then if I stay home it’s “you need to go out and do something.” “You’re being unproductive sitting at home all day.” “Seeing them wont make you feel better, you’ll never be happy” My girlfriend lives 6 hours away and is usually the only time I’d go outside and live and feel in the moment, but even then I’d feel guilt. I feel like my OCD makes me feel guilty for everything. She’s helped me a lot, but lately we’ve had a few issues we’ve worked past that made me fear for losing her too. I’ve felt depressed for years now. Before being fired, I usually felt pretty good and was almost normal feeling. I’d had control over my fears and intrusive thoughts of suicide and the meaning of life, and had accepted them and wasn’t afraid. I knew it wasn’t me. But lately I’ve been trying to push myself out of this depressive cycle, and it’s made my OCD and fears of suicide and if life has meaning, come right back. I’m handling it slightly better, but it’s still hard. I just want to move past this and stop questioning why I’m even doing anything, if I want to end it all, when I know for certain I don’t want to and that I get to make my own meaning in life. I have dreams, I want to get back into art. I want to move in with my girlfriend eventually and start a family. But my OCD makes me so scared to even try to make art, and it makes me so scared I won’t be happy or content with my dreams. I feel so alone and sad. I feel like life will pass me by while I’m stuck feeling this sad and scared. It sucks, but I’m trying my best to get there. Gotta keep moving
- Date posted
- 14w
I’m new to NOCD and just wanted to share my experience to see if anyone else can relate or has any thoughts or advice. My thing is needing a system or some kind of digitally saved reference (online article/notes app) to make decisions on how to live my life and spend my time- then I get super caught up in what is the objectively “right” system to have which never really leads anywhere- over the last 6+ years I’ve probably changed this system over 100 times because at some point I realized it wasn’t “right”. At best, I stick with a system for months and be pretty free from OCD but at worst I can go months where I only experience intermittent periods of living free from OCD and spend hours and hours putting my life on hold trying to figure out what the right system is or to answer and figure out impossible answers to completely subjective things. I get a lot of regret over all the time and life I’ve wasted in this cycle, and feel kinda like everything I’ve done in previous systems was “wrong” so I try to fix that by undoing some of those actions. I think part of the root of this is wanting to control so many parts of my life and the fact that there are other parts of life I could be experiencing, ways I could be improving, and that there is so much out there that I could never ever do or experience all of it leads me to try to figure out some system that gives me a better feeling of control over this. If anyone reads all this that’s awesome- lmk if this resonates with you at all
- Date posted
- 14w
This is gonna be a long one: So a little over a month and a half ago, my OCD started to spiral again. I’ve had ups and downs with it in the past, my main themes often changing. When I was younger it as afraid I’d run away, in middle school it was germs. But as I got older I started having intrusive thoughts of the meaning of life, suicide, and dying, with those fears being my common themes now I’ve gotten a lot better since it started back up, but lately have been panicking because I’ve had intrusive thoughts that my methods of trying to heal are wrong. I’m 21, and for the last 3 years have lacked ambition and haven’t pursued my dreams or things I want to do. I just sleep, work, eat junk food, and play games or watch YouTube on my time off. Things I still love, but after years of living this way, I’ve hit a breaking point and want to start doing more with my life and the people in it Yet, almost EVERY new thing I’ve been trying to do or start, I’ve been having thoughts that they’re wrong or won’t help. Here’s some examples: I’ve started trying to eat a bit healthier, and my brain is telling me it’s not gonna fix me and I’m just avoiding food I like (junk I know makes me tired and sad). Then the moment I indulge in even one unhealthy food item, it tells me I’m failing at taking better care of myself and that junk food just numbs the feelings Same with video games. I tell myself it’s okay to play them as long as it’s not to avoid anything or they don’t take up my life like they have been. The second I do I feel guilty, say it’s cheap dopamine and hindering me from being productive and that I’m numbing my feelings again Same story for everything. Trying to walk and go outside more. Head tells me I’m avoiding being home because it makes me anxious. Then when I stay home it tells me I’m wasting time I could be spending outside or with people I love I’ll wanna spend time with my family or friends because I’ve been a hermit for years and miss spending time with them. When I try to, head tells me I can’t because then I’m avoiding the issues I have and seeking reassurance, and that I need to learn to tolerate this alone. But then when I stay home too long, I get anxious and sad because it does make me happy being around them even if I’m not seeking reassurance, and they genuinely do help me feel better (for example I saw my grandparents last night and talked about my feelings and desire to actually go out and live life, and they helped me understand uncertainty is part of life and I should do things I want anyways and even helped come up with things I may like to try doing. Now my brain tells me it’s bad to get help or open up about my pain) I’ll have racing thoughts in my head and I’ll be arguing with myself over rather it’s better to face them head on, ignore them, or let them run their course. It feels like no matter what I do, I’m feeling guilty and shame for it. As if any attempt at feeling pleasure or doing something that makes me happy is “avoiding the problem”, like I HAVE to focus on my intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and sadness 24/7 otherwise I’m “avoiding/burying it again” I know not to avoid these things and it’s best to confront them (if they’re real problems I have like relationship issues and insecurities and loneliness) and learn to tolerate the anxiety and uncertainty of life and OCD, but my attempts at “helping myself” are quite literally what I feel is currently keeping me so miserable. They’re sucking whatever joy I have in life out, telling me it’s bad, and that I have to feel this way all the time so I can “learn to tolerate it” I’m just so scared of doing all of this wrong, and I think my OCD I knows that and is currently using that to toy with me. I want to be healthier and happier, but then I feel guilt and fear for not being healthy 24/7 and indulging in not healthy things like video games and the occasional junk food. Anybody else ever felt this way?
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