(I’m not sure if this is triggering to some but I’ll add a warning to play it safe)
Here’s a checklist I made in the notes app of what I do/think about when my OCD gets bad;
- an urge to isolate, and planning to do so for the rest of my life
- Forgets what I look like
- Headaches
- Seeing words pertaining to the trigger when they aren't actually there
- Can't do anything else
- “If I do [something that I'm scared of doing] no matter what then I'm a horrible person and there's no undo button”
- Intrusive thoughts
- Gets enjoyment out of nothing
- Panic attacks
- Scared to tell anyone because it's so bad
- “Nothing is as bad as what I'm thinking/doing/have done”
- “I am beyond forgiveness”
- “Anyone like me is bad/hated”
- Avoids trigger out of fear of doing something horrible
- “You’re sick. You're disgusting and horrible and an awful person and you deserve to rot in hell”
- Hyper analyses past/current behaviors
- Has meltdown if forced to encounter trigger(s)
- Tries to erase any past actions as much as possible (via the internet) and if it's not possible to it triggers an anxiety attack
- Bargains with self constantly
- A small action could trigger the thoughts to return for a long amount of time