- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Trust me you are not alone. Relationships are very hard for me in a different way, but I hope you feel better soon, and I hope you seek the insight you may need. Thank you so much for sharing your story to help others understand what your going through. Best of luck to you and your relationship!!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi Lelouch, ⤠Thank you for being so brave and vulnerable. I too struggle and understand your pain. I've started therapy with NOCD and I cab trek this is a game changer. This is a great article that will sorry if explain what is happening in your mind. https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/stop-ruminating-and-start-living/ The goal is to not give into your compulsions (rumination/mental review) and to accept the uncertainty (which I know seems horrible) but this is how you one up OCD. It WANTS you to doubt, review, be tortured, feel like you are a terrible person. That's the have it plays. But you aren't your OCD. ā¤
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you both so much for the kind words and support ⤠On one end I acknowledge I have OCD and a particular pattern (which I legit have proof of due to the reassurances I received, which I know I shouldn't have done...) But it did give me confidence that maybe my thoughts are just complete trash when I'm in my OCD hamster wheel. I get scared bc when I mentally review, I end up seeing these terrible things and thinking they happened! Usually this would mean...well...you did that crap! But I guess I try to hold my head above water by trying to think meta- about my thoughts and look at my patterns. Perhaps I'm thinking these things happened bc it's an OCD con...not a reflection of reality. It's just so hard to 'know' which is the truth ... I just know these are all things I'd be devastated to learn I truly did! I have my first NOCD appt tomorrow morning and am starting meds. Cheers to a brighter future ⤠honestly... it's already so nice to just CONNECT with people. OCD can be terribly isolating.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
The goal is to not think about them š„°. Just accept the uncertainty of them without analyzing. I truly get it. I've had OCD for 40 years and am just now being diagnosed. You are not alone ā¤
- Date posted
- 3y
I understand what youāre going through. Iām struggling with real event/false memory OCD right now and itās absolute torture. I have this memory of my cousin and I under the covers rubbing each otherās arms when we were 6 and 7 and itās making me think I abused my cousin sexually. Iāve been told my several therapists and psychologists that itās normal childhood exploration but my brain tells me itās not. I hope and pray you find relief soon, my friend.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
WOW, TYPOS š„°
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. Iām new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly itās not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but itās not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head rightā¦but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. Iām very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I donāt know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anywayā¦I hope it gets better.
- Date posted
- 21w
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
- Date posted
- 18w
Hello all, Iāve dealt with various OCD themes and compulsions for pretty much as long as I can remember. In some periods of my life the thoughts and compulsions have been particularly severe, but Iāve also had years where Iām able to keep it under control. This has made me worry I donāt actually have OCD, especially because I havenāt been doing consistent therapy and my therapists have gone back and forth on whether I have OCD. In the past few years, Iāve struggled immensely with false memory ocd, and right now Iām going through probably the most severe episode of my life. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. A few times that Iāve gone out drinking Iāve had the thought before āwhat if I lost control and cheated tonightā and itās bothered me severely. Two times before, itās gotten to the point of convincing myself that because I talked to a man that meant I had cheated on my boyfriend and just couldnāt remember. It has never turned out to be true. About a month ago, I went out with friends and had too much to drink. I was really ashamed of myself the next morning, particularly because I always try to drink cautiously now that I know it can trigger my anxiety. I am ashamed to admit I do not remember the very end of the night getting in my uber and going home. I woke up anxious and extremely worried and immediately started off by worrying if I could have tried to kiss my friend and not remembered. I called him and was immediately reassured nothing had happened, I simply drank too much and went home at the end of the night. I started feeling better, but then remembered a moment I had been in the bathroom. I remembered chatting with people in line about how long the line was, and then being in the bathroom on my phone. I then felt like I remembered people knocking and saying to myself āthat wasnāt that longā and leaving. There is nothing concrete that I remember that in any way indicates I cheated, and in fact I have texts with my boyfriend from the whole night telling him I loved him. My friend told me that the only time I was ever apart from him was about 5 minutes and that when he came back I was in the same exact spot he left me in. However, when I remembered being in the bathroom, I thought to myself āwhat if you cheated on him in the bathroomā/ āoh my god did you cheat on him in the bathroomā and then a series of images of me performing sexual acts popped into my head. Iāve poured over my memory and truly do not remember meeting anyone, talking to anyone, or even finding anyone attractive that night, but the fact that I was drinking makes me worried Iām just forgetting and these images could be real. Iāve been constantly ruminating on these fears for the past month, to the point that the only relief I feel is when Iām able to fall asleep. Iām a law student and itās becoming extremely difficult to keep up with my classes. Iāve been google searching, asked chat gpt for advice, confessed my fears to my boyfriend, asked for reassurance from pretty much everyone in my life, and even emailed the bar asking for security footage (which I know all sounds insane). Iām a naturally guilty person and feel bad about small things, so I really donāt think I would be capable of cheating and then nonchalantly texting my boyfriend, but these images feel so real that itās terrifying. Iāve also seen a lot about how I would ājust knowā and that begins to scare me because then I think āyou do just know, you did itā even though I really donāt think I did. I know these posts are not supposed to be for reassurance seeking, Iām just so exhausted and feeling really depressed. Iām wondering if anyone has experienced something similar and has any advice. Iām also wondering if images can feel more real the more you ruminate on them or if itās a sign of memory. Thank you so much for listening.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond