please i can't breathe i need someone to talk to

tw // nsfw i used to read nsfw posts on ig and some of them are teacher x student and i regret it sm i feel like a bad person

@katharkness You are not a bad person its just your ocd making you fearful that you read something bad. There is a whole category on pornhub for teacher student fantasies. You didnt cause harm to anyone and thoughts/fantasies if thats what it is is just that.

@Breezy624 idk why i enjoyed reading those and the age gap i used to fantasize in my head is just disgusting i hate it

@katharkness Its just the brain conjuring up stuff like this which is completely normal for people without ocd too. I did the same thing and as i grew up watching porn mu categories even got more obscure too because thats how it works. Most people have fantasies dont actually want to act out or like things like that in real life. Like i am a woman who was sa as a child by an older teen and i get aroused by rape/abuse porn. Idk why i think its a power thing and what i went through as a kid and growing up, but i do know i would never want that to happen to me in real life or to anyone. Dont be too hard on yourself though its completey normal and your thoughts dont define the type of person you are.

@Breezy624 oh im so sorry to hear that :( thank you for this i was worrying about me being a bad person i just regret about my past mistakes so much. i know that so many people have read those kind of stuff without thinking how wrong it was but somehow i feel like this.

@katharkness Well we arent supposed to give reassurance as that usually just fueld the ocd more but sometimes i need it honestly especially when i feel like i did something really wrong and have guilt. Currently dealing with this now but acceptance is key. And your feeling is just that a feeling. Like i said you did nothing wrong in this case. If its fake its iust people having porn fantasies but even its real its not the end of the world because your intentions werent bad and you didnt cause any harm.

@katharkness And something that I am currently working through is acceptance of my past mistakes. We are all human and all human makes mistakes. If you did something bad that you regret the first step is aknowledging it was bad and then trying to change and improve yourself going forward. Guilt will eat you up inside as it is doing to me currently. You need to forgive yourself and realize its what you do tomorrow that counts. Most people who are bad people dont aknowledge that they made mistakes or have guilt.

@Breezy624 im not a p for this , right?

@katharkness In this case i am not going to reassure you because we have to accept the uncertainty of well maybe you are or maybe you arent. If i tell you that you arent youll feel better for a minute or two and then your ocd will come up with some other excuse to tell you why you are one. What i can say is that people who generally are actual p’s dont get anxiety/fear over these thoughts, and welcome them and want them. The point is though you need to let the thoughts come in and not ruminate or overanalyze them which is what you are doing. In this case you are obsessing that you read something bad and thus this makes you a p and then the compulsion is you are seeking reassurance which only feeds into the ocd. Believe me i understand how hard it is as this is pretty much my only theme currently and i have some guilt attached to it as well that fuels mine from past experiences. Its not easy but the more you expose yourself to the uncomfortable feeling without engaging with the thoughts the more youll desensitize to it.

@Breezy624 thank you so much for this. my thoughts and guilt aren't as bad as earlier now :)