You know what kinda scares me.. Is feeling depressed.. Because what if I get depression and get help but not get better. - I also don't like the feeling of no motivation. - If I don't have motivation I get scared

my ocd got triggered because i’m scared i won’t get better or have confidence in the future… does anyone have any tips to improve my confidence and avoidant attachment… my mom said i have a illness for being on the phone so much and this is why i don’t tell her anything about mental health because my dad would understand more… i worry a lot and the past few days been so hard because of me liking this guy i’m friends with and then my friend liking him.. it’s been hard and i’ve been having low self esteem where i’m scared if i have depression…i’m scared i will never improve my confidence or improve me being off the phone… i just got triggered and i’m like getting anxious since i don’t have anything straighten out

I'm really afraid to say that and the reason might be because of how depression is described to us. And at this point I dont know what is depression. I don't think feeling down is depression. Or sometimes feeling like things doesnt go as you want and you dont know what to do. Maybe it is, I can't tell it cause if i say im depressed in these situations it makes the situation worse, I feel like I put more weight on me. I know its common for depressed people to be ashamed that they are depressed and that might be my case too but as I said, many times I feel like I shouldnt call it depression, just feeling low or things has been stressful and it made me mentaly tired. I imagine depression as a different thing, i believe i was depressed before,because of ocd and i wasnt able to deal with my emotions, and sometimes I spin about that too cause again depression is presented differently in social media and by therapists too. So everytime i feel down i spin about if im depressed, afraid of depression cause I see it as a really bad thing.

my appointment with the psychiatrist is months away and still need to confirm everything but after talking with my therapist last night I just feel even more scared. Like scared I'm not going to provide enough info and then she'll tell me that nothing is wrong then all of this is for nothing. Of course, id love for there to be nothing wrong with me and to feel none of these things that have been bothering for so long. But the fear of being told that there isn't when its causing so much worry... it's making me really anxious. But it also makes me feel guilty because I feel like I'm just looking for attention or making something out of nothing. Even though I know very well it isn't nothing. I know that people sometimes take years or even decades to get help or get a diagnosis that actually fits what they've experiencing and im scared of that too.