ever have a piece of evidence from ur past that will literally prove something causing u anxiety now is real? i mean logically speaking, i’ll come up with a stupid example… if i was afraid that the sky was blue and every time i looked at the sky, it was obviously blue then that’s real. i’m not blowing it out of proportion, this is a real fact that could point to reality now what am i supposed to do?

Hey all, I’ve been having some ebbs and flows in recovery, but for the most part I’ve really had a lot of improvements in quality of life since starting treatment in 2023. Something that really trips me up is ruminating on my past and looking for “evidence” or “proof” that the things that I’m obsessed with are real and not OCD. I spend quite a lot of time doing this. I wasn’t fully aware I was doing it until recently. Example: that I’m secretly gay and lying to everyone (I’m bi), that I’m a horrible person deep down, that I’ve never actually loved any person including my family, that I have the “wrong” political or religious beliefs. I look for proof in every corner of my past. It makes some sense that I think this way because with my previous therapist, who I saw for 8 years and did not diagnose me with OCD, we would look for evidence and proof that my obsessions are irrational and I learned to deal with them that way. At the time it was a lot of health concern and contamination themes, but I literally learned to ruminate and search for relief. But I just kept getting sicker and sicker until I got diagnosed with OCD. It’s a frustrating compulsion that keeps showing up for me. What if these scary things are true? What if it’s not OCD at all and I’m in denial? Have I lied my way into thinking I have OCD? It’s so hard. Anyway, I’m curious if anyone else has come across this in recovery? Let me know your thoughts and I hope you’re well. ❤️

How do you know the difference :( I genuinely cannot keep living in this torment. it all started with an ‘intrusive thought’ where I had like a hazy flash of something reading an article. and I remember thinking ‘what if’ and ‘what is this’ and then that intrusive thought turned into me ‘remembering’ something else. which caused me panic. then I started trying to find evidence because it contradicted what I remembered this entire time. this was last year in like september. fast forward to march this year, it came back up- but this time stronger and with more ‘details’ and what nots. and I’ve been ruminating on it since then trying to remember and connect and It’s like I’ve added all of these details. but are they real? or is this just my OCD? I just feel like if it were real I would have never been able to keep it to myself. but also what if it was so traumatic that I blocked it out? because it all makes NO sense for me to do something like that. but it also fits what I was thinking at the time. idk

Does anyone else’s OCD look for “evidence” to help convince you whatever you’re worried about is true. Half the time the “evidence isn’t even evidence “ it’s just reaching and connecting the dots where there are no dots. If I try to disprove it it’ll be like yeah but what if this or what if that or maybe it could be because of this etc. like the other day. I could know the truth and ocd will still try to convince me otherwise. I was at the store with my bf and we were facing each other talking I saw two guys and two girls walking towards us then I looked away to talk to my bf they walked behind me and I saw my bfs eyes look down to the side for a quick second then look up at me. My brain was like oh he was looking at the girls butt because they walked behind me and he looked down to the side. I couldn’t tell you because I don’t have eyes in the back of my head. Plus other people could’ve walked behind me idk. My ocd kept bothering me so I asked him about it he said that he saw them but he looked because there was someone that almost hit me with their cart which that makes sense. However my brain still continued to try and convince me by being like he was lying if someone was about to hit u with their cart u would know or you would’ve saw them coming like the other people etc etc. Is that just OCD trying to convince me and disprove what my bf said or is my OCD right? It doesn’t bother me if that was the case what bothers me is my ocd coming up with stuff and then trying to disprove me and make assumptions and connect dots where there aren’t any. Like this is what I’m talking about, I can’t see behind my back, there are 30 other things he could’ve been looking at. He already gave me an answer that makes sense. I don’t know why he’d lie or how he’d come up with that on the spot. Feel like if he was lying he would’ve been like no I wasn’t , not told me what he was looking at. There were plenty of other people in the store that day etc.