!!TW!! Venting (not in the sus way) I’ve remembered something I did to my dog when I was around probably 11-12 and I feel sick. Like ever since yesterday I’ve had a headache and I feel like I’m gonna throw up. I feel so bad. I wish I’d have never done that. Which leads me to something else. Lately, with all the things I’ve remembered doing, I keep thinking “Why haven’t you killed yourself already”, “You should’ve done it when you had the chance”, and things along the lines of that. I feel that because of the things I did I don’t deserve to live. I feel so close to doing it. The reason I think so It’s because I couple of months ago I had already sent a date for when and It’s creeping up. I’ve already give my mom important things away and I haven’t been eating much because I keep getting the thought that I don’t deserve food and I only eat a couple of snacks or whatever my parents give me. I’ve become emotionally numb and only feel the slightest emotion around my family and pets. I don’t want to do it, I really don’t, but I no longer feel like I deserve to live. I stopped crying because I found out my sibling can hear me from their room and it has caused me a headache. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I never did any of the things I did. Even if I stopped doing them I still feel disgusted. I’m sorry this was long. I’m not seeking reassurance. I just wanted to vent.

here’s something that I’m using at the moment to help me with a real event ocd: “Getting past Real Event OCD doesn't mean convincing yourself that what you did was okay, or seeking forgiveness. It's about accepting what you did and what you've learned from it, and allowing yourself to move past it.”

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I had a similar experience, I did something to my grandmas dog when I was really young. & I think back and question why would I ever think to do that. Breatheee, you deserve to live . Feel enjoy around family and pets, you deserve it. You made a mistake, sit with the discomfort it brings, & move on from it by learning from it.

Also, thanks for venting because it makes some of us feel less alone in this journey.

Hi! I’m really sorry that you’ve been feeling like this. I understand how difficult it can be to cope with guilt. I think I know something you can try that may be of some help. Everyone is different, but it has helped me in the past. I believe it would be really helpful if you visualized your situation in someone else (a friend, someone random, etc.), and thought about how you would feel for them. Would you forgive them? All people do many (many!) things they regret in the course of their lives. Would you want a person to feel undeserving of food and/or life if they made a mistake years ago that they feel very guilty for long after? Probably not! Treat yourself with the care and understanding you would give to someone else. Sometimes, we’re much harder on ourselves than we are other people, and it’s hard to remember that we are just as deserving of life and happiness. I know that it gets really hard sometimes. The numbness that you may be feeling at the moment is just a way of coping with the pain, and once you forgive yourself, things will start to get so much better. Just remember that you are so important and deserving of happiness. I know it’s difficult, but you might want to consider about talking about it to someone in your life (family, trusted friend, etc.) , because when you get those negative feelings out in the air, it can feel like a weight being lifted from your chest, and the thoughts no longer seem so powerful. You can always talk to me too if that seems like too much. Again, when you find yourself feeling guilty for something you’ve done, picture someone you love in the same situation, and think about if you would forgive them. If you forgive them for making the same mistake, you should forgive yourself too. I hope that this helped! Please message me if you need to talk to somebody. I’m always here. Surround yourself with the people you love, and remember that you are never alone.