!!TW!! Venting (not in the sus way) I’ve remembered something I did to my dog when I was around probably 11-12 and I feel sick. Like ever since yesterday I’ve had a headache and I feel like I’m gonna throw up. I feel so bad. I wish I’d have never done that. Which leads me to something else. Lately, with all the things I’ve remembered doing, I keep thinking “Why haven’t you killed yourself already”, “You should’ve done it when you had the chance”, and things along the lines of that. I feel that because of the things I did I don’t deserve to live. I feel so close to doing it. The reason I think so It’s because I couple of months ago I had already sent a date for when and It’s creeping up. I’ve already give my mom important things away and I haven’t been eating much because I keep getting the thought that I don’t deserve food and I only eat a couple of snacks or whatever my parents give me. I’ve become emotionally numb and only feel the slightest emotion around my family and pets. I don’t want to do it, I really don’t, but I no longer feel like I deserve to live. I stopped crying because I found out my sibling can hear me from their room and it has caused me a headache. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I never did any of the things I did. Even if I stopped doing them I still feel disgusted. I’m sorry this was long. I’m not seeking reassurance. I just wanted to vent.

Real Events OCD

clarity

Date posted: 4y

here’s something that I’m using at the moment to help me with a real event ocd: “Getting past Real Event OCD doesn't mean convincing yourself that what you did was okay, or seeking forgiveness. It's about accepting what you did and what you've learned from it, and allowing yourself to move past it.”

clarity

Date posted: 4y

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I had a similar experience, I did something to my grandmas dog when I was really young. & I think back and question why would I ever think to do that. Breatheee, you deserve to live . Feel enjoy around family and pets, you deserve it. You made a mistake, sit with the discomfort it brings, & move on from it by learning from it.

clarity

Date posted: 4y

Also, thanks for venting because it makes some of us feel less alone in this journey.

meow

Date posted: 4y

It’s no problem. I just really needed to let it out but it seems like it helps other people too so i’m really glad.

12345678910

Date posted: 4y

Hi! I’m really sorry that you’ve been feeling like this. I understand how difficult it can be to cope with guilt. I think I know something you can try that may be of some help. Everyone is different, but it has helped me in the past. I believe it would be really helpful if you visualized your situation in someone else (a friend, someone random, etc.), and thought about how you would feel for them. Would you forgive them? All people do many (many!) things they regret in the course of their lives. Would you want a person to feel undeserving of food and/or life if they made a mistake years ago that they feel very guilty for long after? Probably not! Treat yourself with the care and understanding you would give to someone else. Sometimes, we’re much harder on ourselves than we are other people, and it’s hard to remember that we are just as deserving of life and happiness. I know that it gets really hard sometimes. The numbness that you may be feeling at the moment is just a way of coping with the pain, and once you forgive yourself, things will start to get so much better. Just remember that you are so important and deserving of happiness. I know it’s difficult, but you might want to consider about talking about it to someone in your life (family, trusted friend, etc.) , because when you get those negative feelings out in the air, it can feel like a weight being lifted from your chest, and the thoughts no longer seem so powerful. You can always talk to me too if that seems like too much. Again, when you find yourself feeling guilty for something you’ve done, picture someone you love in the same situation, and think about if you would forgive them. If you forgive them for making the same mistake, you should forgive yourself too. I hope that this helped! Please message me if you need to talk to somebody. I’m always here. Surround yourself with the people you love, and remember that you are never alone.

meow

Date posted: 4y

thanks i appreciate the advice :)

12345678910

Date posted: 4y

@Rey ⚜️ You’re most certainly welcome:) I promise that it will get better. You can always message me if you ever need somebody to talk to

Mitu_001

Date posted: 24w

I know I seek reassurance.But I really dont know what to do right now.I keep thinking about how I didnt help someone who was in a terrible situation a long time ago.They were a kid :( .Since then I keep thinking about what happened and how I didnt help.And I started to have intrusive thoughts ..about what happened..and other terrible themes.And I am really scared.I realised I keep thinking because I cant belive how difficult it was for them and how I could have helped and I didnt.I talked to a psychologist and they told me I didnt know how to deal with such a situation but I still blame myself.Sometimes I feel like they need help now, l but it was years ago.I stopped ruminating because it wont help anyone but I still have intrusive thoughts.I want to help now but I dont know if I can .I want to aplogise and make sure they are ok but I dont want to makw them remember.And I dont want to do that just because of guilt..I want to actually help.I feel like I did an unforgivable mistake..+ the terrible thoughts I have .Idk if I can ever share them with someone..ever..I feel like I am a dangerous person because I didnt help+ because of my intrusive thoughts.I really doubt myself..and feel like I shouldnt be trusted.Thank you if you have read all of this

bkelp213

Date posted: 22w

Can’t function for all my guilt

I’ve done things in the past few years that I’m not proud of - only a couple of things I can think of and they didn’t directly hurt anyone at least with is relieving (but maybe indirectly they sort of did or could’ve which makes me hate myself because why did I do that… *how* could I do that…) If I could back and stop those things from happening, I would. I may not have thought about what I was doing at the time, so I didn’t really recognize that they weren’t okay, but that doesn’t excuse them, and I would smack some sense into my past self if I were able. I feel like if anyone knew what I‘ve done, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. They’d write me off as worthless. And maybe they should to be honest. Now yet another thing has come up - I haven’t done anything, but I had an intrusive thought pop up that made me *think* about doing something and this would be unforgivable in my opinion. Though, to be honest, the things I’ve done before are also somewhat unforgivable in my opinion… 😞 Regardless, I don’t want to do it because I don’t think it’s okay, but I worry deep down that I do. Or that I’m looking for an excuse to make it okay to do. I don’t know, it’s complicated. And I’m upset I even thought about it. I wish I had never seen the thing that triggered that intrusive thought. Yet another thing I would stop if I could. I’ve tried to not think about it or focus on it, but it doesn’t work. Even if it goes away, it just comes back again. I just keep thinking about it and it’s overwhelming. Anyway all of the guilt of this is killing me. I feel like an irredeemably terrible person and it makes me want to give up. I can’t get on with life because it’s paralyzing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and at this point, it feels like I don’t deserve to just move on. I can’t live with myself and I feel like I don’t deserve anything anymore. I know a lot of this is probably OCD, but I’m not sure all of it is and I don’t know what to do… if I spoke to a therapist about it, I don’t think I could bring myself to say what I’ve done or what thoughts I’ve had. But if I was told to move on by someone who didn’t know the truth, I would worry they wouldn’t really say that if they knew. Agh, it’s all just a mess 😞

anonymousgg

Date posted: 15w

Do I deserve to be forgiven? TW animal a***

When I was a child 7-10, I had this wonderful dog. I loved him so much. However sometimes, I would hit him out of either anger or because I liked the way he would lick my hand to say 'sorry'. At age 13, my OCD sparked up badly. I had no idea what it was, but I would bully him. Badly. He was never hurt, but he was agitated. Then I found some kittens and saved them just after turning 14. I let them stay in my room with me for a few weeks to help them. One very early morning, however, they raged me so bad that I began hitting them nonstop. They didn't cry, nor do run away. Hell, all of my pets were never ever scared of me. They loved me for some reason. For so long I've been doing my best to help animals and adore my pets, and I've sworn to never EVER hurt an animal again. I love them so much. I remember though I would never hit them so hard to make them cry out, because I've been inflicting the way I hit them onto my arms and thighs to see how bad it hurt, and gladly, it didn't really hurt. Stung a bit, at most, but doesn't make what I did anymore okay. Do I deserve my babies anymore? Do I deserve to even live? I feel so ashamed and I don't want to use my OCD as an excuse, nor say that maybe I was traumatised because of it because people have been through worse than me, so I don't want to compare. Any small comment will do, thank you for reading

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