Hi! I’ve had OCD my whole life. Specifically - numerical OCD. I do everything in threes. For example, I can only listen to the same song 3 times, count three steps as I walk, eat 3 bites of foods, etc. Does anyone else here struggle with this? I also experience harmful and intrusive thoughts, and need things to be a certain way. But the three part - is by far the worst and most severe. Although each aspect of my OCD is constantly effecting my daily life, I feel that I struggle the most with numerical based issues (3).

I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.

I’m curious how many other people experience this! I’ve been diagnosed with severe OCD for 20 years now, about 10 years ago my little OCD brain came up with a series of words. It is saying everyone in my families name and then something negative, and then something positive. Since my brain attached to this series of words, it hasn’t stopped repeating in my mind. Like I said, it’s been 10 years, and this “phrase” is constantly repeating over and over in my head. When it’s finished, it just restarts again. My brain is constantly exhausted since it’s always talking. It’s kinda hard to word this so idk if it’ll make sense to you but let me know if this is something that you might experience as well!

I am currently attending talk therapy but have never brought up symptoms of OCD. Here are some things that I believe MIGHT be OCD but I’m not sure. - I have a lot of trouble focusing and get distracted by so many things (Constantly wanting to touch things like Buttons, feeling textured things, etc.) - The volume on ANY device can not be at any volume with the number 6 - I can NOT step on cracks - I have to walk an equal amount of steps on both feet or I’ll go crazy - I fear that if I do something I’m not supposed to, something bad is going to happen to me I might sound funny but these things genuinely bother me, your help is appreciated LOL