I’m finding it really hard to get up and do anything other than sit anxiously. I haven’t even taken a shower in awhile. I wonder if I’m depressed. I have a lot of things to look forward to in the near future and I’m stressing/feeling bad or hopeless about them when I think I should be excited.

TW// suicidal ideation There are things I want to do like i have an interview tomorrow for an exciting internship, but i also feel like I kinda don't wanna be here anymore. I'm not actively trying to do things to end my life, but I'm getting more and more tired of the same shit every day and i don't think I even want to come to terms with it and live for the next 40 or 50 years. maybe my constitution just sucks but idk if that's something I want. I don't want to accept OCD. im exhausted and frustrated. I don't want this in my life. But I'm not sure I want a life anymore anyways.

I feel so horrible and guilty, I've been pretty depressed lately and I don't know if i'm doing something wrong or not but my mom keeps getting mad at me, and I keep getting snappy with her. The other day she tried to take a selfie with me and I kinda got mad at her because it was in front of everyone and I didn't want to get anyone uncomfortable if they were accidently in the background so I told her stop in a kind of mean way. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the night and she keeps bringing up how disrespectful I am. I tried to explain to her I didn't mean anything mean by it?? It's triggering my OCD so bad and tonight i'm going to see a band I really wanted to see, and i'm super afraid shes gonna start bringing up how mean i've been lately. I've been really depressed and upset because of school and how much work their giving me, and I've been in my room for mostly more than 10 hours a day doing nothing but watching TV because I can't bring myself out of it, I don't know what to do anymore and the guilt of me possibly being a mean and aggressive person is haunting me.

Does anyone feel like they are stuck in place? I haven’t done anything besides lay in bed on my phone (if I’m not at work) for almost a year now. I have the desire to go out and be a part of the world, but I feel like my body is glued to my bed. I can’t motivate myself to get out of pajamas to go anywhere, and the entire time I’m out (even just at the store) I just want to be home in bed. I mainly just DoorDash food now, when I can convince myself to eat. I’m tired.