Does anyone else feel like they don’t deserve help/treatment? Does anyone else feel like a disgusting awful person? This is so hard. I just want one break, one day where I can just be the way I used to be.

I feel that way. I'm starting to get better. But that thought process is hard to break.

I used to feel that way, but I've improved a little since then. I like the quote "persistence guarantees that results are inevitable" - if you believe that you can get better, and you do the work to get better, then sooner or later, logic indicates that you will get better. Stay strong and keep up the fight; we're here for you.