My bf told me something today that is now all I can think about. He told me not to read into it because it wasn’t how I thought it was, but I can’t shake it off. It’s hard when you literally have trauma and trust issues. It’s not easy. He’s always so understanding but all I could think about is how he thought telling me what he said today was ok. I’m seeing him literally tmm so idk how I’m going to handle this.

Ii spoke w my bf this weekend and he mentioned that he has thoughts just like me, but his don't bother him like me. I then felt a lot better and he tried dissecting one of his thoughts like I usually do and realized it felt more real for him after. That made me realize that none of my thoughts were ever true and I blew them up. However, yesterday I had a thought ab “wait wut if you liked that one guy? How dare you bc youre supposed to love your bf and not secretly like someone else” and treated it as I usually did bc I accidentally wanted to see if it was true but didn't rlly but I would check to see if it was there and now that thought feels so so so real now and I feel really bad how do Ik it's not real? I feel so bad and guilty bc lividly this makes 0 sense but it feels so prominent. It felt pretty real when it happened yesterday too. And now I feel awful bc how is it possible after my clarity the other day? Why does it feel so prominent 😞😞😞

My boyfriend keeps triggering my intrusive thoughts on purpose to mess with me. I've explained how bad they are to him before but i guess he just doesn't get it. He finds it funny when I have such a visceral reaction to him reminding me of them. I hope it doesn't sound too silly but body horror really freaks me out and this one image haunts me so bad when I remember it and he knows that, I trusted him with that knowledge but he loves to just yell out what it is to mess with my head. Now it'll flow in and out of my head for days and I'm gonna have trouble sleeping tonight. Usually distraction works but this one is particularly strong. Does anyone have any good coping skills or tips for going to sleep when it keeps haunting you?

I have hold back my tears . I’m trying so hard to play it off. I can’t think about it anything without on the verge of falling apart . I have no self control over my mind . I’m scared. Is this a psychosis . I have barely eaten in days . My stomach is growling but I have no appetite. Idk what’s going on . Normally if I have a rough week I can fight it but I can’t fight it this time. My biggest fear is loosing my bf. I’m spending the day with him and all I can do it think about what’s gonna happen when I leave .