When ever you get an intrusive thought and your fighting with your head is there always a "but ____" ? is that actually me or is it my ocd?

It's not you, it's your ocd wanting certainty

It’s ocd trying to pull you back in !! With erp you have to accept that “maybe it’s true”

sometimes i do say it purposly cause for some reason it helps me kinda like block out my intrusive thought but it felt real just now

Maybe it's true but maybe it's not true. It's ocd that makes it hard to accept uncertainty about the obsession. I'm sure, line me, it's easy to accept uncertainty about everything else. Make sure you cut out all compulsions. They drive the ocd.