You're dealing with something extraordinarily difficult and even a bit traumatic. The way you feel won't always make sense. My own emotions are wildly inconsistent. Sometimes I feel super animated and enthusiastic, but then other times I feel dead inside. Emotional exhaustion is common when you're dealing with OCD, and mood swings/complicated feelings are often a side effect of that. I know it feels scary, but trust me; anything you're feeling right now is more manageable than it seems, and you're more resilient than you think. You got this.