I'm not even gonna lie I'm scared about not caring about having friends! I just don't know I wanna cry about this because not only does it feel like I don't care it feels like I'm gonna end up losing myself and go crazy! :/ I'm just so confused and my head feels all over the place and heavy! I stopped taking care of myself too! I'm scared I don't know why but what if something wrong is going on with me I wanna be happy and be excited of friends but it doesn't feel like it!

You're dealing with something extraordinarily difficult and even a bit traumatic. The way you feel won't always make sense. My own emotions are wildly inconsistent. Sometimes I feel super animated and enthusiastic, but then other times I feel dead inside. Emotional exhaustion is common when you're dealing with OCD, and mood swings/complicated feelings are often a side effect of that. I know it feels scary, but trust me; anything you're feeling right now is more manageable than it seems, and you're more resilient than you think. You got this.