I don’t know why I always feel anxious whenever I don’t do anything productive. today was a pretty chill day, did school work, watched TikTok, played video games, but for some reason I’m feeling on edge. I feel like I’m wasting my time by not going out today or hanging out with friends. And yesterday when I did go out, I had major anxiety over intrusive thoughts about my parents. All my siblings will be gone for college so I will be the only one in my house for a year (my sister moves back in once she graduates) and I’m afraid my anxiety will be high because of that. Although I do like spending time by myself, I don’t like being alone because my mind starts to wander and I get very anxious

These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.

Anyone else just have days where they feel more calm and don’t have as many intrusive thoughts? But then later at night time it just comes back so you only had relief even for a little bit 😞😞 I feel like even when I’m not having my OCD send me intrusive thoughts, I always have a feeling in my stomach that something is wrong/off or a sense of doom. I always just feel on edge and anxious as if my mind is always preparing itself for the next horrifying intrusive thought to torment me with ugh 🫠

On Sunday at work I was stressed and I was anxious all day about ruining my relationship and I disappeared off camera for 2 min and 30 seconds and I’m trying to figure out why and it’s bothering me because I don’t remember I know all morning I was trying to stay on camera so I can prove to myself that I was fine but I think as the day went on like after I video called my boyfriend I felt better and wasn’t paying too much attention to being off camera but I went into the back of the store like the kitchen area and there’s no camera so I was off camera for 2 min 30 seconds and it’s scaring me because idk what I was doing so I’m trying to figure it out and it’s driving me nuts my mind is saying that I did something to ruin my relationship in those 2 min and 30 seconds and I’m so anxious and spiraling I can’t stop thinking about it and talking about it. I just want to enjoy my relationship without feeling guilty.