I just feel disconnected everything looks weird I don't feel a connection to the person I see in the mirror which is me. I constantly look at myself in the mirror to see my self in 3rd peraon point of view cause seeing from my eyes makes me feel weird which I wish I wouldn't have to do because I'm worried I'll go to school and have to desperately need a mirror! I just feel weird like if I'm not really here! So confused about my personality and emotions questioning if they're real ir im faking it! 

I don't wanna die but I don't wanna live like this I actually have goals of becoming a nurse, having a family, travel the world, learn to swim.

I think this is called derealizarion or something like that look up derealization and depersonalization

You’ might be experiencing derealization/depersonalization which is common with many people with OCD/Pure  O