I feel like such a horrible person. I forgot how horrible this theme makes someone feel. It was retriggered over me saying something bad about an old friend, as well as my hocd. Cause i had this one friend (we aren’t friends anymore she dropped me) where like it felt like she forced sexuality down my throat and would be like “i think your demisexual” and i was like “uhhhh i’m straight” and she was like “fine straight demisexual” and she would say things how i “just convinced myself to be that uncomfortable with the thought of kissing another girl” And I feel like a horrible person whenever I tell my three close friends about it, cause all my mind can say is “your being homophobic towards her in order to hide your sexuality” when really i never cared that she was pan, it wasn’t until she started making comments about that and i found out that she’d talk about my body / boobs with like others guys that I began having a problem And then with my other friend. I’m white and we were talking about implicit biases and she said “every time i see a blonde hair blue eyed lady i think she’s a trump supporter” (i’m blonde hair blue eyed and i told one of my friends she said this and i feel horrible now that i did) And atop that, one of my old best friends really wronged me and I had to take some time apart and focus on myself and finally allow myself to forgive, because I never fully did. And so we hung out recently and reconciled, and I told her how i felt (i had before) and she just has a hard time accepting that what she did really hurt me, and now she’s not talking to me again and saying she needs time to process and I’m back in the position of bad guy again. I can’t keep doing this. I feel like such a horrible person and i keep asking myself why i mess up and i feel absolutely horrendous.