i cant tell if the thoughts i just had were intrusive thoughts or actually me, im going ti end up sad:(

If you're distressed or upset by the thought, then I say treat it like an OCD thought. We can't be SURE what is us and what is ocd, but we do know ocd is really good at mind games. Like scary good. Hang in there. 

Totally relatable feeling. I’ve dealt with a lot of obsessions like that and erp really helped. You have to sit with the uncertainty and say “I’m not sure, maybe it is me and it’s true” and stuff like that. It’s hard for sure, but after a while you’re desensitized to the obsession :)