I feel like such a horrible person and believe I am one. And i was just getting confident in my personality and believing that I was a good person.

Was I a bad person before this life and is God punishing me. Sometimes I think I have a reverse punishment. Like God knew I'd be a horrible adult so that's why I was abused as a kid. I wasn't horribly abused but I didn't really realize I was until my psychiatrist told me I was. I hate myself

I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I've spent the morning crying, and I feel like I don't deserve to. I feel like I'm a horrible person or a... you know. I'm so sick of this. I'm just so tired of everything. I don't see my psychiatrist until two weeks from now. How am I going to make it till then? :( Even writing this post, I feel like I'm deceiving everyone and that I'm actually a monster. I'm so convinced of this right now. I don't know what to do. I was literally okay a few days ago. I don't even know what's real and what's not, like... I think I do? But everything is so distorted. I can't stop replaying memories trying to figure things out. I really need my psychiatrist right now. I feel like I need to confess, like I've been trying so hard not to, but every person I see, I just keep thinking about how badly I want to ask them if I'm a bad person or not, and that makes me feel worse. A good person wouldn't feel the need to ask that over and over again, would they? What if I'm just seeking validation because I can't accept that?

i’ve done so many horrible things and i’m just so scared that i don’t deserve anything good in life