All it takes is one person saying the wrong thing and I fly off the handle at them. I hate myself.

Today I kind of snapped and I do feel bad. At Chipotle, a worker wasn’t letting me finish my order and every 2 seconds she kept saying “that’s it?” “That’s it?” Like rushing me, and I yelled, “YES, THATS IT!” I do feel bad because maybe she was having a bad day but I was also frustrated. I do regret it because I need to stay calm in situations, especially because I understand how hard it is to work in fast food, I’ve done it before. I was overwhelmed and frustrated, she kept talking over me and I couldn’t even think about what I wanted next. I’m irritated with myself but I also feel my feelings aren’t wrong, I just handled it in a negative way. Now my OCD has latched on the situation and I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like I’m an awful person and like I need some sort of punishment, as if having OCD isn’t enough punishment. I did try to call the restaurant to apologize but no one answered. I sent an email with an apology to customer support, I’m not sure if she’ll even get it. I’m having so many ruminating and self deprecating thoughts now. I’m not a terrible person but I feel like I am

Sometimes I feel like an overwhelmed anger that I get angry at people who did nothing to me and I feel so bad for it I really don't wNt to be that person I try my best to me nice to people because I know that everyone is going thru something But my anger is not pure anger it comes from from being so depressed and hopeless and to the people I hurt I wish I could apologize they don't deserve that But iam so scared of the person that iam becoming Sometimes I truly I wish I could end it all but my dad don't want that I don't know why it's not iam like their favorite I want to leave because if I stay I will only bring harm to people and I don't want that I feel like my purpose in life is over and there is nothing else I could offer

I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was really bad. There was this guy saying he was pro extinction and he said we should accept extinction to stop suffering. I commented. “Alright, buddy. You go first.” I remembered it and was like, “That’s wasn’t very good what I said.” I went back and deleted it. I still feel bad though. I mean, I basically told a person to kill themself. I mean, a lot of other people were saying the same thing but I don’t give me the right to say that. I often do this. Words come out of my mouth that I shouldn’t say and I regret them later. I’m gonna commit to not saying this again and ensure that I don’t say something as inappropriate as that and try to respectful from here on out.