I am feeling so discouraged. I felt like my ocd was gone and now it is back. I felt like I had my life back. This is so frustrating. I’m doing ERP but it’s hard for me to get back on track. Can someone provide me with some motivation?

I’m trying to do ERP therapy, but I keep thinking my subtype of ocd is the worst there ever is. I tried going on a walk tonight and the adrenaline in my body along with the shakes and the burning in my chest got so overwhelming. I felt like I was just about to lay down in the gutter along the sidewalk. I’m not trying to be super negative. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If it’s not one thing it’s another and I just wanna cry so bad and I want it to go away but it won’t I almost feel like I have to call a crisis line or something even right now while I’m writing this I’m crying so bad. I can’t enjoy a single thing. I joined a support group tonight, but I just feel like I feel so bad for everyone because of how awful it is. I know what I’m writing right now doesn’t make a lot of sense but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to quit ERP therapy so bad cause I don’t think it’s gonna ever help. if anyone has any advice or suggestions, that would be greatly appreciated.

Hey everyone it’s been a while since I posted on here. Honestly, I try to stay off of this app unless I really need advice because I find it triggering at times. But right now I’m feeling pretty down and just would like some hopeful and helpful advice. Has anyone ever felt like they’re just not capable of getting out of this? Has anyone ever felt like ERP therapy isn’t working or that they just can’t get it’s a click? . I’ve been in ERP therapy for over a year just about a year and a half actually and I literally feel so stagnant and stuck still. I show up every week I do my exposures, but my body is in such a chronic fight or fight all the time that it feels almost impossible to apply the tools. I’m super sensitive to begin with and I feel things very deeply and because of that it feels like I’m not gonna be able to ever change. It feels like no matter what I do or experience I’m just gonna always feel it so deeply and it’s gonna just rattle me all of the time. I’m honestly so frustrated. I’m tired and I’m overwhelmed. I so badly wanna change these patterns that I have and grow and be out of this OCD spiral, but everything just feels impossible. I’m just wondering if I’m alone here?? Has anyone ever felt this way? Has ERP taken a long time for anyone else or am I the only one that just can’t get my brain to click with it? Any encouraging and helpful words would be greatly appreciated thank you 🙏

I always worry that my OCD is treatment resistant? No matter how much ERP Ive been doing for the past decade or so, I somehow am met with my themes again, sometimes coming back tenfold. Maybe I’m doing ERP wrong. Maybe I have something worse than OCD. I just have so many obsessions and themes and feel my avoidant behaviors trying to kick in no matter how much I try to resist. I’m exhausted…and it sucks. Even my sister told me “some people are not meant to overcome hurdles because God wants them to be stronger” referring to me. Now I feel like my OCD is impossible to get over. I don’t want to be strong, I want to be at peace. I’m not even religious and this is getting to my head and I’m spiraling. I can’t afford to be on medication or go to therapy. I’m struggling so hard.