- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
So the response prevention for this would be to “lean in” to the thoughts that are coming up and to practice moving on instead of ruminating. For example, you could lean in by saying to yourself “yeah, I might have been naive in the past” and then carry on with whatever you planned to do. If it’s extremely hard to move on, you can do an activity like reciting the alphabet backwards or reading a passage from a favorite book. These move-on activities shouldn’t be done with the intention to make the thoughts go away, but rather just to distract you from ruminating. As an exposure, you could write out a detailed script of what happened including what you fear MIGHT have happened. Practice agreeing with it and moving on from it without ruminating. Good luck!
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
Can I hear some examples of specific parts of ERP that has helped you? I've been doing talk therapy for a few years and the major issue I have with it is that I already have analyzed all of my problems from every angle, so I'm kind of just sitting there yapping about it for an hour. I need solutions and things that make me feel better.
I ruminated too much this morning and got distressing mental images (and confirmation) which sent me spiraling again. How do I stop thinking about this and how do I get back to myself? I feel destroyed.
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