I can’t cry and it’s bothering me

I can’t stop crying. My thoughts are going insane, they’re so fast I can’t keep up. I want to tell everyone around me what’s happening (my family doesn’t even know about my OCD). I can’t seem to resist compulsions today. I’m freaking out. I want to give up. I feel like I’m suffocating in whatever is going on. I feel like I need to go to a hospital. I don’t know how to ask for help. I don’t feel okay. I don’t understand this at all. It feels like I took some random drug. I’m really scared I’m sorry, I am so panicked. It’s embarrassing but I feel so desperate for help right now I feel crazy

I didn’t realize how bad/severe my agoraphobia was, I kept putting off as not being “that bad” or thinking “other people have it worse” without realizing I’m low key one of those people 💀 But honestly it makes me wanna cry realizing just how crippled I’ve been, how badly this has actually been all these years, and it’s only getting worse, I have a serious problem and I’m really hoping this place will help me

So I was at a family thing yesterday and my ice was bothering me and I kept washing my hands and my family noticed and started making fun of me for it and it was like non stop it made me feel really alone especially since they clearly know something’s up but they just make it worse instead of at least trying to help😕