Today, I had to go to our local feed store to get an E-collar (you know, the cones) for my dog, who is recovering from surgery. I said to the sales help, "I hope she doesn't hate me for this," and she said, "She might." #UnexpectedExposure And you'll be happy to hear that I did not ask for reassurance after that.

(21+ ONLY: TRIGGER WARNING) I love my dog. He just turned seven months old yesterday. But sometimes, I get so frustrated. I came home from work and I just wanted to sit down and relax and watch my favorite TV show. But then he started jumping on me, barking, and getting into things he shouldn’t be. On top of that, I was feeling lightheaded because I haven’t been taken Zoloft lately, which is completely my fault and irresponsible of me. My dog got into a laundry basket and tipped it over, spilling all the clothes on the floor and grabbing a pair of socks. I just lost it, at that point. I chased him and yelled at him and as I went to grab the socks from him, I thought about hitting him. I don’t think I did, but I don’t know. Either way, I’m truly disgusted with myself. I hate that that was my first automatic thought. What is wrong with me? I put him in his kennel for time out and I completely just lost it. I started crying and hyperventilating. I feel horrible for feeling sorry for myself when I’m not the one hurting here. I’m truly a disgusting manipulative POS that deserves to be locked away forever

I did an exposure today. More accidental than purposeful, but that's pretty much how it always is for me 😬 So basically, I had to touch some dirty shoes in order to put them on (or at least dirty in my mind), that I had previously trudged through garbage & used syringes with about a yr ago, like I'm talking a "landfill-level" hoarded house - around June of last year if I remember correctly (me and one other person were cleaning that hoarded room for a payment $100 each, which was originally gonna be $25 but the owner eventually realized/admitted that the conditions were just too awful to be cheap about it. Anyways, I didn't realize just how gross it would be till I got there - bcuz the one-time job advertisement didn't exactly mention the severity, only that it would be an organizing of boxes, so I didn't know just how triggering it was going to be for my OCD. It was unspecified. And at one point I got so nauseated that I had to step outside and I was gagging over the lawn). But ya, I don't think I've used these particular shoes since, not once, and this being literally a year later. I also don't remember ever washing them, just sort of stuffing them to the back of the shoe rack, bcuz when it comes to OCD... "ignorance is bliss" or whatever 😂, avoidance, out of sight out of mind... etc. Well, I chose to take a risk and wear them this morning bcuz they went with my outfit, and I planned to wash my hands when I got home anyway. BUT, what completely slipped my mind is that it was quite windy outside, which meant I was constantly brushing my long hair out of my face, u know... away from my eyes so I could see where I was going 😒, with my now "perceived-to-be-dirty" hands, AND -- i wore some of that dreaded lip balm of which I would normally be grateful for to prevent an equally dreadful case of dry lips, so my hair was also "sticking" to said lips, meaning I was having to move my hair off of my mouth like every 5 minutes - yes, very annoying. And all of this for a yard sale, was it worth it? 😅. Well perhaps, cuz I did buy something. Anyways, I was lightly grazing my face & mouth, not that lightly was gonna help, therefore, even though I did wash my hands upon my return, the transfer of germs would have already happened imo I'm at a point now where I'm basically just telling myself "if I get sick, i get sick" 🤷‍♀️ Cuz there's no compulsion, at least none I can think of, that could possibly undo the potential damage that's already been done (and I'm not asking for ideas LOL) If heaven forbid this does result in sickness, I'll just have to act accordingly by going to the doctors, ppl do it every day... Obviously if I become ill, that will ultimately suck, but like I said, it happens to ppl every day. It's not unheard of * If u guys think I'm in any actual danger - that I've taken on some sort of poison - then sure, tell me, but otherwise I think it's fine * And I feel like what I said before still applies, that if I've taken on board a poison, and start showing symptoms like involuntary/uncontrollable tremoring or something, then unfortunately I'll just have to go to the hospital (of which my city's hospital definitely isn't the best, extensive waits, but ik I'm just spiralling down the rabbit hole now)... this is what ppl do when they're poisoned, no? Go to the hospital? ✅ I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still feeling a little uneasy, but I keep reminding myself of how much time has passed. And most importantly, these converse shoes, even though they were pushed to the back, were still in contact/often touched by my OTHER pairs of shoes in the front. So the cross-contamination has likely already been happening throughout the whole year when wearing my alternative shoes, without my OCD alerting me to it, and without any ailment to me Feeling hopeful 🙏 🙌

Today I was walking my cat. (Yes, my cat lol. He loves exploring outside and I have a cat harness for him and I only explore near my apartment. I walk him instead of just releasing him bc ive had accidents with past pets that were run over. I never want that to happen again so i rather walk him and it helps him stay active and helps me too.) Anyway, where i live there are a lot of separate apartments (mini houses) but still are part of one section under one land lord. This neighbor was outside chilling talking on the phone, no dog in sight. He owns this dog that is the same size of a cat so i guess small but big enough where it can cause bad bite wounds to a cat. I was outside my apartment walking along the grass but also near that apartment since its a public space and i dont want to walk my cat near the main road since to many loud cars and itbwas just him on the phone, no dog seen. My cat likes sniffing the grass and walking past some apartments. There was no dog out so i assumed it was okay to walk AND ITS PUBLIC COMMON AREA THE DOG SHOULDNT BE OFF LEASH ANYHOW. My cat was smelling the grass and laid down then suddenly the neighbor's dog gets released outside (unleashed and ungated) and charges straight for my cat! I picked up my cat and ran at full speed away BUT THE DOG CHASED ME THE WHOLE WAY AND THE NEGLIGENT OWNER DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TILL HE SAW ME YELLING NO AT THEIR DOG WHILE HOLDING MY SCARED CAT! The neighbor turned away and let the dog CONTINUE TO BE UNLEASHED AND THE DOG KEPT CORNERING ME AND MY CAT it was so scary! I had to scare the dog off while my cat was tangled on his leash! I eventually was able to safely get away avoiding any bite wounds for my cat! That dog is NOT friendly! I live in a state where it's illegal to have your dogs out without leash unless you are in a fenced private property or a local dog park! The neighbor constantly does this! He takes his dog out to chill but that dog lunges at people! Stupid owner! In no way was my cat provoking this dog! He was sniffing the grass and laid down for a small nap! My cat is very friendly and I was so scared he was going to be hurt bc some idiot thinks it's fine for dogs to be unleashed! And what's worse i was with CHILDREN! My nieces were there with me walking my cat. We were all having fun peaceful walk that ended with us running straight home! IMAGINE IF THAT DOG ATTACKED MY CAT WHO WAS TANGLED AND FRIGHTENED AND IF IT GOT BLOODY??? MY NIECES AND I WOULDVE BEEN HORRIFIED!Horrible i feel so weak hours after. I remember being extremely angry and I told my mom about this and she took HIS side saying it was my fault for walking on a PUBLIC COMMON AREA THAT IS AVAILABLE FOR ALL. She says "i shouldve known better" BUT THE DOG WAS NOT OUT I THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY??? THE OWNER STILL LET HIS DOG OUT UNLEASHED HOW IS THAT MY FAULT if your dog is unfriendly why off leash! Ugh and ocd kicked in and gave me harm thoughts which are making me worry like did I mean that? Did i want to? Did i have an urge to do that to my mom bc I was frusterated she takes other's sides always? I feel sad rn. I wanted to report this guy for negligence. He didnt care if his dog attacked my pet. He didnt care if I had children that dog could've bit. It doesn't matter that the dog was the size of a cat, it still scared my nieces and I! I was mostly afraid for my pet cat since I KNEW I'm bigger than the dog but my cat isnt! He could've seriously gotten hurt! And then who would pay for the vet bills??? I sure as hell know that negligent owner wouldn't! Such a frustrating situation. 🤦‍♀️