Not sure if this is evidence that I stare at people innapropriately or if it’s not . My psychiatrist told me thoughts can’t make you do things and thinking “don’t stare at someone “ won’t make you stare at them and ruin your life . But sometimes I have wtf responses with ocd about seeing people’s butts when they bend or their boobs when they bend . It’s either a checking compulsion that’s automatic or it’s a wtf response . My ocd says this is evidence that staring ocd was an actual problem

My whole life I’ve kind of stared at people’s crotches whenever they’re wearing something revealing a bikini. I feel like I’ve always searched to see if I can see an outline or something or anything because it’s so revealing. It kind of feels like curiosity I don’t know how to describe it. I did this before my OCD got bad and I do this now. I feel scared that I’m doing something I shouldn’t be. I’m scared that I’m doing something perverted. What scares me the most is that about a year ago this happened with my boyfriend sister. She was 15 at the time. I didn’t think much about it. I stared, searched and moved on. But now I really question if I did something awful or if my intentions were perverted. I’m questioning whether it’s okay to even have curiosity about this. Maybe this is normal and people don’t analyze their behavior, I don’t know. I had a theory that this has been a compulsion all along but right now it feels fully out the window. I haven’t been able to stop crying. I really need someone’s input or perspective. Please.

I don't really know if these will count as ocd 'proof' and I'm almost trying to prove to myself that I have ocd at this point. I really don't know. And these don't even mention my current themes (pocd, soocd) and rocd but its kind of stopping idk. So here's what I wrote do you think it's worth mentioning or it even counts as ocd idk? -Blinking in a certain way, breathing in a certain manner till it feels right, making sure that im breathing right, holding my breath for a bit again and again, made sounds that disturbed others (my mom) because of that. -Focusing too much on my eyesight and what i see to make sure I don't have symptoms of an Illness in the eye, checking my body reactions a lot and getting scared. Checking my pulse regularly for a heart attack. Fear of dying, researching random illnesses of symptoms I have -When i was a child I pictured my family dying a lot and got intrusive thoughts about their heads being cut off, especially in Eid El adha (where we basically sacrifice cows and sheep) I couldn't handle being there because I was scared that the guy killing the cow will accidentally cut my mom's head instead and I'd picture it so graphically. random intrusive thoughts about me doing harm to others but they didn't make me anxious just disturbed, fear that someone will get in the house and kill my whole family since I was a child that I have a slight fear of doorbells. Can be sensitive to gorey images but not always a persistent fear unless I'm focused on it. In the streets I get stressed out by cars around me because I get thoughts that someone will shoot me and kill me from the car. Fear of dying in general as a kid I saw a video that talked about if you see fish in your dream it means you'll die soon and I wasn't able to sleep for a long time without literally collapsing out of tiredness because I was scared of sleeping and dying in my sleep. -Irrational fears when I hear really loud sounds, as a kid I'd hear sounds of parties or so and it stresses me out because I got intrusive thoughts about someone playing party songs but killing everyone in the enjoyment of the killing. Doorbell sounds stress me out and I keep hearing the doorbell ringing in my ears a lot that I check the door randomly sometimes. -When I play games I have to do things a certain way and I can click on a button multiple times in a different pattern until it feels right, repeating prayers constantly until they feel right. Same with the breathing from before idk if these count -I question morals a lot, I'm not sure If it's in an ocd manner but I am really scared of being a bad person with bad morals, I get scared I'm racist and sometimes I see someone from a different race and I get racist thoughts like racial slurs or so get in my head, I question morals in general a lot and the idea of them and why they exist. And that makes me scared that I'm just a terrible person and I don't want to be. I can fixate on "trying to do what's right" too much that I end up messing up more -Immense guilt on things from a long time ago that I already dealt with. -what I'd say my worst compulsions are (pure o I think) : Checking constantly, feelings or thoughts or reactions. Sneaky reassurance seeking from friends and confessing my thoughts. Excessive ruminating trying to find an answer, can take so long out of my life that I can't eat or drink. Researching my thoughts and asking people. Repeating prayers in my head constantly even though I'm not religious anymore but I get so disturbed by my thoughts.

Does anyone else’s OCD look for “evidence” to help convince you whatever you’re worried about is true. Half the time the “evidence isn’t even evidence “ it’s just reaching and connecting the dots where there are no dots. If I try to disprove it it’ll be like yeah but what if this or what if that or maybe it could be because of this etc. like the other day. I could know the truth and ocd will still try to convince me otherwise. I was at the store with my bf and we were facing each other talking I saw two guys and two girls walking towards us then I looked away to talk to my bf they walked behind me and I saw my bfs eyes look down to the side for a quick second then look up at me. My brain was like oh he was looking at the girls butt because they walked behind me and he looked down to the side. I couldn’t tell you because I don’t have eyes in the back of my head. Plus other people could’ve walked behind me idk. My ocd kept bothering me so I asked him about it he said that he saw them but he looked because there was someone that almost hit me with their cart which that makes sense. However my brain still continued to try and convince me by being like he was lying if someone was about to hit u with their cart u would know or you would’ve saw them coming like the other people etc etc. Is that just OCD trying to convince me and disprove what my bf said or is my OCD right? It doesn’t bother me if that was the case what bothers me is my ocd coming up with stuff and then trying to disprove me and make assumptions and connect dots where there aren’t any. Like this is what I’m talking about, I can’t see behind my back, there are 30 other things he could’ve been looking at. He already gave me an answer that makes sense. I don’t know why he’d lie or how he’d come up with that on the spot. Feel like if he was lying he would’ve been like no I wasn’t , not told me what he was looking at. There were plenty of other people in the store that day etc.