I’m going through the same thing on most days... :(
So OCD isn't real. It's a lie. It takes what you value in life and twists it up all nasty and gives it back. When you first start the cycle, you become a reassurance junky. No one likes the panic/anxious feeling. In my journey of recovery I'm now at the stage where I can have intrusive thoughts and as long as my body doesn't feel anxious - I'm good. But there are days where my body wakes up on edge or it feels anxious but my mind is fine. On those days my OCD hits hard because it's almost like PTSD. I associate any time I have anxiety with my old Harm OCD event. (SUPER bad 9 years ago - off and on since then). OCD is never real, ever. Please know that. I think it's your body's response from being used to that feeling. Don't get frustrated though. Give yourself some grace. Healing takes time but it is possible. The bible talks a lot about this and I found comfort in those scriptures. Jeremiah 29:11. Hugs!
Thanks so much