Mayte
- Date posted
- 4y
sue thomassue thomas
- Date posted
- 4y
I have harm ocs had it since I was 13. Then it showed its ugly head again when I was 30. I admitted myself to the hospital and was told I had ocd. I saw myself harming my family in their sleep and many more veery ugly thought of harming people. I felt like I was becoming a serial killer to. My docs in the hospital convinced me I was not told me what I had and gave me meds that helps a little. I had hid all the knives in my kitchen was going to throw them into the river before I admitted myself. I been exactly where you are. After I came out of the hospital I gradually started bring my knives back out little at a tile . A butter knife non pointed for a while then others as time went on. I have thoughts of harming myself as well. When they gave what I had a name it helped me some. I have been having an episode lately . I am 71 now doing with major depression now d For 4 years. Every now ands then the ocd shows its ugly head and the thought begin and the anxiety muscle aches and tenderness everything that goes with it. I hate it so bad. It also intense my depression symptoms. I do different things to try to relieve the compulsions. I try to divert the thought and compulsions on harming others to seeing myself punching mg holes in walls, stanbing the floor as much and hard as I can, diverting it from people or myself to objects. Not putting the knives up again. When it hit me back when I was 13 it was so hard. I had to make up a reason to make my dad put up all the guns in the house. They didn't understand . No knowledge of odx back In the 60s and 70s. I just had to deal with it everyday in school . And after about 8 months I woke up one morning and it was gone and the harm ocd stayed gone pretty much. Til I was about 30 qnd finally went into a hospital. I felt I was getting myself away from my family so I would not harm them. I know that though of becoming a serial killer feeling sooooo well and its rough. I can tell you how to get rid of it except try diverting the thought to objects instead of people. Harming things and walls and stabbing the floors and walls just not aiming it at people. If there was a operation that could cure this I would be the first in line. Lol hang in there and I M here to talk to that helps when someone knows exactly what u are dealing with and has been there and go back there occasionally. And mine dint have to have a trigger. Horror movies are a bad trigger for me don't watch them any longer. Text me or look me up on messenger Sue thomas. Its a pic of me with a pair of glasses on. Just tell me who you are and we can connect if you like. Hope my testimony helps you .
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 2y
@sue thomas I’m going through this right now it’s so bad and I’m so scared
MayteMayte
- Date posted
- 4y
;O
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Anonymous
- Date posted
- 25w
My brain hates me (18+)
It’s like my brain is doing everything in its power to convince myself and also justify an attraction to teenagers. I hate myself. I don’t want to be this person, but what if I don’t have a choice. How do I get these thoughts out of my head permanently. I feel like my life will never be the same if they don’t leave forever. I can’t tell what is a real desire and what OCD is trying to convince me is a real desire. I can’t do this every day for the rest of my life. I don’t want to hurt anyone, or I don’t think I do but how do I even tell anymore. This might not even be OCD at this point, I can’t separate my thoughts from OCD thoughts I think because I’ve had OCD for so long so it all just feels like me. Maybe it is me. TMI but I haven’t pleasured myself in like a week because my libido is so low now, I don’t want to do it with these thoughts.
laladracu
- Date posted
- 24w
idk if its harm ocd anymore
I dont know whats going on. I dont know if its OCD anymore. I know it was in the beginning. Ive been through a lot of trauma and had one little scary thought of killing my sister 4 months ago that has blossomed into this giant idea of me being a serial killer and wanting to hurt everyone (I never had any social issues growing up but I have had some trauma). Recently I’ve been having urges to just give in. And my mental images have been horrible and I can’t stop checking if I like them or not. I think I’ve convinced myself I have. This morning I woke up a shaking mess with an urge to unalive my family and when my mom left for work I was alone with my sister and couldnt stop vomiting uncontrollably. I dont know if i’m upset because I cant hurt anyone and I want to, or if I’m scared and just want my old life back. I was an avid horror and gore lover and now I’m convinced I want to do the things I’ve seen in the movies. Someone please help. I’m ready to check into the psych ward.
Mgully09
- Date posted
- 23w
I feel like I'm not in control of my own mind
I hate the way ocd has completely messed up my brain, I struggle to tell the difference between an intrusive though and a regular one, I have really bad issues with morality and I feel as if my brain can no longer tell what is and isn't right and I can't tell if I'm over reacting about situations and I end up feeling stuck in a loop of wondering if I'm a bad person and trying to look at a situation rationally and not knowing if that's even possible with the state of my mind, I feel like none of my thoughts are actually mine. I hate it and I wish I could feel in control of my thoughts even for just a day, just to know what it's like. I've had ocd symptoms since I was about 9-10 so i feel like I've never really know a life without it. I just wish I could live out my teenage years like anyone else my age. I can hardly engage with my hobbies and passions and I don't know what to do about it. I can't go to therapy or get medication because I'm not even diagnosed, I just feel trapped. I'm only a teenager, like I said, I don't want to live my entire life like this.
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