I hate having these harm ocd thoughts pop up randomly it never leaves my head and I have to act normal so no one asles me what's wrong but deep dpwn it's terrible :/ it's hare accepting cause then it feels like its true that I will be a serial killer I literally hate it! I don't een like being mad I sometimes wish I was a good girl with a good attitude and mind!

I have harm ocs had it since I was 13. Then it showed its ugly head again when I was 30. I admitted myself to the hospital and was told I had ocd. I saw myself harming my family in their sleep and many more veery ugly thought of harming people. I felt like I was becoming a serial killer to. My docs in the hospital convinced me I was not told me what I had and gave me meds that helps a little. I had hid all the knives in my kitchen was going to throw them into the river before I admitted myself. I been exactly where you are. After I came out of the hospital I gradually started bring my knives back out little at a tile . A butter knife non pointed for a while then others as time went on. I have thoughts of harming myself as well. When they gave what I had a name it helped me some. I have been having an episode lately . I am 71 now doing with major depression now d For 4 years. Every now ands then the ocd shows its ugly head and the thought begin and the anxiety muscle aches and tenderness everything that goes with it. I hate it so bad. It also intense my depression symptoms. I do different things to try to relieve the compulsions. I try to divert the thought and compulsions on harming others to seeing myself punching mg holes in walls, stanbing the floor as much and hard as I can, diverting it from people or myself to objects. Not putting the knives up again. When it hit me back when I was 13 it was so hard. I had to make up a reason to make my dad put up all the guns in the house. They didn't understand . No knowledge of odx back In the 60s and 70s. I just had to deal with it everyday in school . And after about 8 months I woke up one morning and it was gone and the harm ocd stayed gone pretty much. Til I was about 30 qnd finally went into a hospital. I felt I was getting myself away from my family so I would not harm them. I know that though of becoming a serial killer feeling sooooo well and its rough. I can tell you how to get rid of it except try diverting the thought to objects instead of people. Harming things and walls and stabbing the floors and walls just not aiming it at people. If there was a operation that could cure this I would be the first in line. Lol hang in there and I M here to talk to that helps when someone knows exactly what u are dealing with and has been there and go back there occasionally. And mine dint have to have a trigger. Horror movies are a bad trigger for me don't watch them any longer. Text me or look me up on messenger Sue thomas. Its a pic of me with a pair of glasses on. Just tell me who you are and we can connect if you like. Hope my testimony helps you .

;O