I'm freaking out over the fact that i have an online friend all of a sudden. I mean I'm cautious but i am afraid I've said too much or he had bad intentions and i want to look through all of our messages and make sure or do a background check for him or something. I'm anxious about this but i did like talking to this person. Why OCD why? Or am i being rational?

So I recently met this girl and honestly she is amazing. She’s beautiful and her personality is perfect. She lives only 15 min away from me and I feel blessed to have a chance to get to know her, we both feel the same. But here comes OCD to ruin it. My OCD has latched onto a friend of mine. He’s a pretty close friend and we talk often. He’s never really one to let out a laugh so I always like to hear him laugh and just be able to have a good time. Partially it’s because I just don’t want to think I’m annoying and unfunny, I’m pretty self concious about myself. OCD is turning this into some sort of scary what if I like him question. I don’t have romantic feelings for my friend and I don’t actually want to be with a man. I am a straight male and getting to know this girl has been a blessing. OCD makes me feel in denial and as if I’m lying to myself. I hate this. It feels awful, when I haven’t felt this way about a girl in a long time

I'm worried I'm gonna get hurt. There is a guy I'm talking to and we plan to hangout soon. We have been talking for awhile and have talked at school. I have a few ex boyfriends, two to be exact. One turned out to be awful, but I found out early on because a bunch of women came to me with their concerns of how he creeper them out and used to send them weird messages, he also for awhile would have people message me to get me BACK MONTHS LATER. My other ex was a good guy, but extremely shy and bad with expressing feelings. It didn't feel like I was his girlfriend. That being said I now kinda assume (mainly from the awful guy) that everyone is gonna turn out to be awful and that I can't trust my judgement. This guy I got now knew stuff about ocd already, loves horror movies and art like me, loves cat, good with kids and has a little brother, he remembers little things I say and sends me pretty pictures of the sky and forests when he is out, he warns me when he is sleepy incase he falls asleep when we are texting at night, he knows alot about mental health. He is everything I could want and I just can't believe it's real, that someone like this exists and out of all people LIKES ME. My brain is telling me he could secretly be racist or homophonic or a rapist and I just don't know. My friend who barely knows him and has never spoken to him before but is good at reading people says he is 9 out of 10 percent sure he isn't any of those things. which considering they have never talked or anything it's good. But idk I don't trust myself. I'm scared he will crush my heart. I went through his following on insta to look for people of other races and sexualitys. He follows a girl who is a friend of a friend of mine who is gay, the smosh account and Ian Hecox, he follows Good Mythical Morning and Link (idk why not rhett), and I once joked that I was better then him and he said we are all equal and has said things like he doesn't Haye anyone we were all babies once and stuff like that. I wanna trust my self and my friend but idk.

So for context, I've just started seeing someone. He's really handsome, sweet and very respectful. He has ADHD, so he's quite literally all over the place; Impulsive behavior type things. Well, he's starting to get inconsistent with texting and when that's the only communication we use, it becomes a battle for me. He always says he's working, which to be fair, he is, but it didn't stop him in the beginning. Again, I know he has ADHD and no two days are alike, that being said, I notice even the slightest change in texts. It's quite literally a curse. So I over analyze EVERYTHING to point of anger and tears, then I obsess if he even still likes me, if he's slowly phasing me out or ghosting me. Then when he does message me, I feel some sense of relief, but I notice he's not the same as he was before. He's done this to me a couple times, so I'm getting used to it. He told me yesterday he couldn't come see me because he was fixing his car, which he was - he showed a picture and posted them online, too. He's a car enthusiast, so he's always doing crazy things like that. So I woke up with the knowledge that he was working on his car today, only to find out he went to the beach. It felt like a punch to the gut. I tried reasoning with myself that maybe he went with his parents or a friend and he still had to finish working on his car, but then the dark, obsessive thoughts started creeping in and I spent the entire day miserable and over analyzing all of our texts and constantly checking to see if he still follows me on Instagram. I didn't even realize my OCD was this bad. I really just thought it was perfectionism, and it still is, but I'm afraid it's about relationships, too, and I'm concerned that I'll be this way with every man I date, given I actually find one 😔