i had a what i think was an intrusive thought. i really hope it was and that it wasnt me

Ocd tends to do that. It makes people fear it’s something they actually want. My mind constantly has me questioning is my thoughts are something I want even though I constantly tell my thoughts to shut up when they show up because I do not want them there. You saying you hope it wasn’t really you just proves that it was ocd trying to control you. If you don’t want it there and it cause you severe anxiety it’s ocd