Anybody got any tips to help stop hating myself?

Man… it’s like, if I get over one obsession, another comes, and when I run out of new obsessions, old ones come back. Do I… not know how to be content? It reminds me of when Ru Paul told Katya, “You’re addicted to the anxiety.” I don’t know how to change this, but I’m glad I’m recognizing it. It’s awful — I can’t let myself be happy without punishing myself for my past mistakes, and honestly, I just have to just let myself be human. Gonna try meditating and reading more. Any other tips greatly appreciated.

I really hate telling my mom that I'm insecure because she just looks at me super annoyed and is like "I don't know why". Like one time I said I wanted to start working out because I hate how skinny I am and she looked at me like I was trying to fish for compliments or something and I feel like I have to defend myself and I cant talk about it. I feel like I always hate my body and any time I try to do something to fix that I regret it so so much. I was just telling her the other day how i hate myself so much I want to crawl out of my skin and she kind of just told me to work on it but I don't know how?? Ive never loved myself. Ever. I have no clue how to. The only reason I'm not doing worse to myself is because I'll get in trouble. I hate my mind and my body and lately it's been so so bad I can't look at myself without feeling nauseated. The last few months it's just gotten worse and worse I feel like. Any time I try to fix how I look I feel like I don't deserve to feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel like a lost cause at this point. I don't know if I'm ever gonna be fixed.

I can be way too hard on myself and beat myself up over the smallest slip up in regards to OCD. Sometimes it can feel like I'm gaslighting myself on what was "so blatantly and obviously a moral atrocity in thought and intent", when 95% of the time I'm not even sure what my own intent with dealing with these thoughts is or why I do what I do. It makes me feel like some shameless beast for "daring to even entertain the thought of something so VILE!!!" When I just get so confused and scared on moral issues, like my mind is pulled down a rabbit hole I can't escape until the tricks are done on me and it's too late, i've accepted such ideas I hate until that hate and trying to not give in convince me "it might not be that bad". It feels like anything, even the most mundane things can trigger this. This cycle happens mainly because I feel like there's "no way to escape committing more 'attrocities' in thought or compulsion anyway"...and these cycles become the basis for more of these incidents. there a way to stop this? There have been multiple times where I called myself the R word, and even knowing it's a slur I still called myself that because "I'm nothing if not deserving of such scorn". Any attempt to stop the madness makes it worse and it's like all this I talked about is so convincing I dare not question it until after the fact. Please help.