why are the intrusive images so gross & disturbing i am so tired of this :(

My boyfriend keeps triggering my intrusive thoughts on purpose to mess with me. I've explained how bad they are to him before but i guess he just doesn't get it. He finds it funny when I have such a visceral reaction to him reminding me of them. I hope it doesn't sound too silly but body horror really freaks me out and this one image haunts me so bad when I remember it and he knows that, I trusted him with that knowledge but he loves to just yell out what it is to mess with my head. Now it'll flow in and out of my head for days and I'm gonna have trouble sleeping tonight. Usually distraction works but this one is particularly strong. Does anyone have any good coping skills or tips for going to sleep when it keeps haunting you?

are they truly intrusive thoughts or am i thinking and creating automatically graphic images that i dont want to think? i think it happens because it's too easy once you're anxious abt it. i dont enjoy it. i just saw a trigger and had a graphic disturbing se&ual image in my head.

i saw a trigger. and immediately imagined something se&ual that i really dislike and dont want. and now i feel horrible, because even if i didnt like it, i still imagined it. yes, it was an egodystonic intrusive image, but the moment i saw the trigger i knew i was going to have an intrusive image, i could have blocked it, i could have tried, but instead it happened automatically, the same type of se&ual image that is the same specific kind for any trigger, just now i was thinking abt it and it immediately appeared in my head. i dont know how much control do i have in it, because as i think abt it, it gets automatically visualized, but i'm the one who still gives the imput. i wonder how much responsibility do I have in this. because the unwanted image is sudden and automatic, but is like im conceding, im allowing it, like giving it up. it's some kind of self sabotage, it's not ocd creating the intrusive images, it's me imagining automatically and immediately once I see a threat what i don't want to think because i'm so used to, to sabotage myself and it feels horrible, especially if the trigger is a real person. it's like self sabotage. im not receiving passivly, im somehow actively thinking it automatically, i don't know how to explain it. i think abt how can't look at their parents eyes because they would be disgusted by me. no parent would be okay if someone had such images of their triggers even though it was intrusive and unwanted. and that feels defeating.