TOCD i’ve said that i’d rather be born a guy but i’m totally comfortable being a girl now i’m super worried that i’m trans or something i tend to like male characters more but now i’m overanalysing everything i get really worried like what if it’s gender dysphoria and not ocd?? i hate this so much i envy guys and the relationships they have so i’ll hang out with them more but now i’m worried that what if that makes me trans help?

Hey! I had / have TOCD. I’m also in my mid teens and can relate to a lot of what you’re saying

I have a question, so my hocd started when I was about 14 , right after I've begun to find out more about LGBT. I was even a strong supporter of their rights etc. But the thing is, the more info I absorbed, the more anxiety I got, because I've found out how to know if you are gay , I've watched coming out stories etc. Could this be a trigger to my hocd?

Thank you, I KNOW that I was not and am not a member of LGBT community. The problem is that the uncertainty and what ifs which started in the time when I digged deep into the LGBT community make me question the reason behind it. Like why did I begin to feel anxiety when watching coming out stories? Is it because I suppress my actual desire ? Etc etc. But on the other hand, I understand your point with watching a lot of stereotyped straight movies, TV series etc. But I feel like if I do that, my brain will tell me that I purposefuly want to change my gay desire to a straight one

The what ifs can really cause stress. There could be several reasons why you get anxious, the coming out stories can not only refer to coming out as gay but also indirectly makes your subconscious mind recall anything, which you have kept a secret. A big secret, maybe not even closely related to homosexuality but something wrong that you may have done for which you feel really guilty or some secret which you would be embarrassed to tell. You wouldn't be able to know how the subconscious mind reacted to someone coming out, but your conscious mind would mix that thing with what you are watching, thus creating a confusion. The best thing to do is to give very less importance to these thoughts and try your best neither to suppress nor to react to these thoughts. If it becomes really tough to handle, then try to visualize yourself in that situation. You may get to know more about your feelings that way.

God bless you , you've just explained it so clearly that I now realise what has been going on. There truly is a bad memory for which I feel really guilty even today. Maybe my unconscious linked the coming out stories out stories with it and created a mess called hocd. Thank you again

Thank You Tia. :) Glad to be able to help. If you need any other help related to OCD, please let me know. :)

i also am having issues between having attraction to guys to wanting to be one?? so i need hwlp

Hi, What was your age when you started to have these thoughts? Had you been deeply involved in learning about transgenders or the LGBT community before you started to have these thoughts? The envy and desire to hangout with guys is common among girls. Also, "Trans" are those who have actually had surgery and have medically changed their gender. You haven't done anything like that, so you are far from being a trans. Sometimes after learning about things or watching something for a long period can make us think differently and doubt things. Maybe the liking for male characters is just you being attracted to a guy, just like a straight girl. Can you tell a little bit more about your thoughts. The more you explain the more we can discuss about that.

thanks! it’s been a few months but really picked up yesterday. i’m in my mid teens

i was always interested and calm about sexuality and never thought of myself as dysphoric and was comfortable but i guess i’m mistaking attraction and admiration for males as identifying as one?? i don’t like this

Hmm alright. Since you are very young now, better to not jump to conclusions because mind can surprisingly change thoughts. One day you may be obsessed with watching a cartoon and a few years later you will find that to be so childish and would feel surprised that how did you like such thing. Your thoughts might just simply mean that you are very attracted to guys and you want to be with a guy but that would be tough to get in a relationship, so to ease your thoughts and desire, your mind makes you feel like being a guy yourself. So that you feel like your desire is fulfilled. But that could be temporary. Maybe if you get in a fight with a guy or they hurt your feelings then your mind will start to think really differently. So you'll just need to observe and would need to give less importance of these thoughts. You can just think "I'm a girl who wants to be boyish or be like a boy...maybe tomboy because I like their style." Putting the label of "Trans" may not be the correct step for now.

I had similar thoughts also a few years ago. I felt like I'm too girly and I felt more like a girl, But that was just temporary. And when I analyzed my thoughts and possible reasons why I felt that way, I realized the things which I mentioned above. Later on my mind surprisingly changed and didn't feel that way. Those are phases. Our sub-concious mind gets triggered and changes our thoughts.

that’s interesting. are you knowledgeable in the field of anxiety or ocd?? that makes sense

Yes, I have minor OCD and I analyze thoughts very deeply to find the root cause. So in the process I have gathered a lot of information. Basically, past experience helps me understand these things easily. Since I know that anxiety, questioning yourself, OCD can be very stressful, I want to help anyone going through that.

Hi @Tia, Yes, it clearly seems like observing those would have caused the anxiety. What we watch or observe for prolong time affects are mind deeply. Since thinking about these things causes confusion and anxiety to you, I would suggest that you start watching something that completely shows about stereotypical straight people. Like those series and movies in which all the girls like boys and vice versa. That will rewrite your thoughts and will make you think in that way. Basically you'll need to give less importance to that thought for around 4-6 years. Until then your mind will gain experience and then after you get enough information, you will automatically know whether you are straight or a part of the LGBT community. Then you can chose your path. But until then, avoid giving importance to these thoughts because your mind is very curious and you need more time to understand your own thoughts. Believe me, your thoughts can drastically change in seconds.

Hi @Catpaws, :) Hmm, there is a possibility that your thoughts aren't able to totally differentiate getting attracted to anyone and accepting the person as a role model. You'll need to imagine yourself looking like a guy. Doing things that a guy does. After some observation you will be able to get more information about yourself. Just remember that the mind of a teenager is very curious and can drastically change in a few years, So that's advisable to give less importance to these thoughts for a few years. Also weigh the pros and cons.

well it’s like, i can imagine myself as a guy and i’m not disgusted in some cases but in others i’m repulsed. it’s really based on if i’m a more attractive guy vs not if that makes sense. i don’t want to ever transition and i don’t feel comfortable doing that. i guess id rather be born as a guy than a girl but either is fine. i’m mostly worried that i’ll want to be transgender and transition, which i do not want

i guess it doesn’t quite feel like ME but it worries me that i feel like i enjoy the company or can relate to guys more

May or may not be dysphoria. But really can't say. For now that would be good to keep things simple and need to avoid labelling the doubt that you have. Presently you can think that "I'm a girl who wants to look like a boy and be like a boy." My story may be helpful. When I used to look at girls I felt like "Oh her hair is so long and good, I also want to have hair with such layers....girl's shoes look so cool" etc. I even grew my hair more than shoulder length and always kept clean shaved face. In the mirror I felt like I look a little like a girl and I felt alright with that thought. Then I questioned myself "Do I really want to be a girl or is that because I get so much attracted to girls that I have considered them a role model." I imagined myself as a girl, but then I had several thoughts like "No, I do not want to change myself, I don't want to be a girl, I'm just a girly guy and that's totally fine. " I had to ask a lot of questions to me, visualize several situations, social situations, pros and cons, many things to come to a strong conclusion that I'm just a girly boy. Took me around two years to completely figure that out. So patience and time are the best friends in such situation. Keep on finding more about yourself and eventually you'll know. Also less importance needs to be given to these thoughts. Our mind will naturally decide that. We must not intervene with the thinking of our mind in these cases.

wow. that makes a lot of sense. i don’t want to transition or really be a guy i guess but i admire the relationships they have with each other and i’m more comfortable around them if that makes sense

so i like the way i look. i don’t want to cut my hair and look like a guy but i do like their hair and stuff

i don’t really feel like me i guess. i’m just so confused. i detest the idea of transitioning and stuff though. in your opinion, would preferring the company of guys to girls and admiring them make me trans? i don’t think so but i guess i need an outside opinion. i’m comfortable being a girl but i guess i’m more guy-like. i wouldn’t transition though

i never was confused before but how do i go back to knowing who i’m attracted to? every time i see a cute guy i think of this theme and i hate it. and when i find a guy unattractive i’m relieved in a way but then i think i’m gay. ughh

the relief is from not being trans, not feeling gay for the record

Hmm I see, so you like the lifestyle of guys. The way they talk to their friends, the way they act with their other guy friends. In the case of girls, the friendship is different. You prefer having the kind of friendship that guys have with each other. I think there are two types of thoughts which are getting mixed...first is that you are naturally attracted to guys, which makes you a girl who would definitely want to be in a relationship with a guy. Second is that you like their lifestyle a lot. You want to have a lifestyle like a guy. Also you like your identity, you like your long hair and what you really are, You are worried that as a girl, you may not be able to have a lifestyle just like a guy has. That's why you feel like "Can't I just be a guy...while being a girl". And that's a very valid thought. And that also means that you are definitely not a trans. You like guys and their lifestyle, you are very very attracted to looks of a good looking guy, but somewhere deep down you like your identity as a girl. So the feeling of looking like them is part of pure attraction. So you have nothing to worry about. In my opinion also, you are not a trans.

wow, that helps so so much. i can’t put into words how immensely helpful you’ve been. thank you so so much!! i feel so much better. and i love that you didn’t give reassurance but instead reasoned it out and gave me the tools i needed to fix this. from the bottom of my heart, thank you. so much. ❤️

The thought of looking like a guy whose looks you admire a lot is just a sign of intense attraction to that guy. That's very tough to directly understand the signals of our mind. You are a girl who gets attracted to guys heavily on the basis of their looks. That's why those guys who look ugly, do not seem to be attractive to you, haha That's quite natural. You are definitely not gay or even trans. You can call yourself a "Tomboy". There are many girls who like the guy lifestyle and hang out mostly with guys because they like their company more than the company of girls. After a few years you will have even more clear thoughts. Don't worry. :(

I'm very glad. Thank You! :) Reassurances can barely help someone dig deep to the bottom of the issue. The best way is to discuss every detail. :) Thank You for praising me. :)

i don’t know why but i’m still anxious and i don’t know what to do

thanks so much though :)

it feels almost like... regret? i don’t know. i know this is a symptom of hocd and tocd to feel relief to give in but mistake that for relief of calling yourself gay or trans. i feel really odd and lost and i’m not sure how to handle. it’s mostly just anxiety. like when i feel like i’ve found an answer my ocd is desperate to pull me back in and it feels urgent

Anytime. If you need to discuss further that you don't want to say publicly, you can surely contact me on my email "manish.manny2017@gmail.com"

but thank you so so much for your help. i’m so grateful. i’ll try to take that advice into consideration but i still feel intense anxiety around that theme.

will do. thanks so much! i can’t stress that enough :)

Hmm, that's correct that the more you fight back the more OCD would react. Can you think deep to find out that what's the regret, which you are having?

i honestly don’t know. i guess it’s not regret but more so dread. this is really bugging me

is it? i thought that that was bad. or do you mean like finding the fundamental fear?

yes. whenever i can relate to a guy or find them attractive i spiral in this worry loop. i think i’ll take a break from the app for a little to regain control, but thanks so much for all your help. you’re a lifesaver

or life-saver. i don’t know how it’s spelled.

Yes, I mean the fundamental fear. The more you know yourself, the easier that would be to make yourself understand something. We have two areas in the mind, the Conscious and the Sub-Conscious. That's quite easy to control the Conscious side, but that would be temporary, But to have an affect on the subconscious mind, you need to dig extremely deep.

i see. i guess my fundamental fears are not being myself and not living a good life. i feel like this tocd combined them into this. i also had harm ocd and existential ocd which followed the same fears

thank you. i will do that. :)

i get really nervous, like what if this is somehow dysphoria? i don’t know. how long did it take you to move past this?

Hmm, that's difficult to say anything now. Certainly you do not want to be a trans, you are just afraid that your mind may compel you at some point to be a trans, But consciously if you have to make a decision without any pressure then you would wish to not change your sex medically. That's not possible for you to be born as a guy if we do not talk about spirits, haha So we can focus on what's possible for you presently with the body that you have. Try to imagine, wearing fake moustache and beard, all guy clothes and short hair as a girl and then going in public and interacting with others. How do you feel when you imagine yourself in that situation?

:) *

What's the exact thought which you are having in your mind?

One of the most effective ways to battle OCD is to keep on questioning and digging deep to find the root cause of every thought that you have.

Hmm, so you have the fear of being gay or trans. That's the one which is causing anxiety.

Hmm, just words aren't going to change that thought. You'll need to implement a few things and make a strategical plan. When we talk next time. I'll explain about that.

That's a good start that you have the fundamental fears figured out. But there is still more details which needs to be extracted even from the fundamental fears. For now better to take a break, or else you would be too focused on that.