There’s a quote by Rumi that goes, “Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the wounded place, for that is where the light enters you.” I really feel like having to deal with this OCD is a blessing in disguise. I have faced what I feel are some of the darkest human experiences and emotions, and somehow I’ve come out on the other side, and much stronger for it. Learning emotional regulation, completely re-learning how I speak to myself, changing my inner dialogue — it’s all because of OCD. So thanks, buddy. What was meant for evil was used for good.

So, my brain brought up a question that really affected my worldview. I solved the obsession, and gained some good wisdom on that could be useful towards unconditional loving self acceptance. Maybe I was being OCD about recovery, and tried to find logical reasons for why progress is important no matter the outcome when I should've just embraced uncertainty. So now I have an answer to the Obsession. But this obsession took me to a pretty dark place. And I know OCD is just gonna throw and equally Bad one at me if I use this information to my benefit because it will essentially be reinforcing the OCD cycle. "Oh, he got the solution he needed to now I need to throw a new obsession at his way." So what do I do with the wisdom I gained from ruminating here? It's useful and practical information, so I don't want to throw it out. But I can't reinforce the ocd cycle.

A reflection I never saw myself being able to write✨ One year ago today, I was spiraling for a second time because I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, again. Getting through it once was doable but twice? I truly thought I was losing my mind. OCD wasn’t just a shadow in the background — it was a loud, relentless voice narrating fear, doubt, and compulsions into every corner of my life. I couldn’t trust my thoughts, couldn’t rest in silence. I was questioning everything. I was exhausted coasting through the motions of life trying to survive every minute of every day. But today — I’m here. Still imperfect, still human, but finally free in a way I didn’t think was possible. I got here by learning the hardest, most empowering lesson of my life: I had to stop depending on anyone else to pull me out. I had to stop outsourcing my safety, my certainty, my worth. I had to become the person I could rely on — not in a cold, lonely way, but in the most solid, liberating way possible. You see, healing didn’t come when others gave me reassurance — it came when I stopped needing it. When I realized no one could fight the war in my mind for me. It had to be me. Not because others didn’t care — but because I had to be the one to stop running from fear. I had to choose courage over comfort, again and again. And boy was that rough. But I did. Through therapy, I retrained my brain. (Shout out to Casey Knight🙏🏼) I stopped dancing to OCD’s obsessive rhythm and started rewriting the song. And yeah — the beat dropped a few times. But I kept moving forward. Slowly, I started turning my mind into a place I wanted to live in. I made it beautiful. Not by forcing positive thoughts, but by planting seeds of truth: 🌱 Not every thought deserves attention. 🌱 Discomfort doesn’t mean danger. 🌱 Uncertainty is not the enemy — it’s just part of being alive. I started treating my mind like a garden instead of a battlefield. I let go of perfection and started watering what was real, what was kind, what was mine. And let’s be honest — there were still a few weeds. (Hello, OCD — always trying to “check in.” ) Because healing isn’t linear, I still have days where I feel back to square one, but it’s a day, not a week, month, or another year of surrendering. But here’s the “punny” truth: OCD tried to check me, but I checked myself — with compassion, courage, & a whole lot of practice. To anyone still caught in the spiral — I want you to know: you are not broken. You don’t need to wait for someone else to save you. No else will. The strength you’re looking for? It’s already in you. It might be buried under fear, doubt, and rumination, but it’s there — patient and unbreakable. Start small. Start scared. Just start. Because when you stop relying on the world to reassure you, and start trusting your own ability to face uncertainty, you get something even better than comfort — you get freedom, resilience, power & SO much more. You don’t have to control every thought/urge to have a beautiful mind. You just have to stop believing every thought/urge is the truth. You don’t have to be fearless , you just have to act in spite of fear. You are not crazy You are not a monster You are not evil You are human You are capable And if OCD ever tries to take over again, just smile and say, “Nice try. But not today.” — Someone who came back to life, one brave thought at a time 🧡

One of my best coping mechanisms somedays is to remember that while my OCD causes a lot of mental distress, it also can be a strength of mine. OCD has allowed me to thrive in my job, I tend to pay attention to small details and be in very good control of my work. I know exactly what is going on and often think before I say or jump to anger. I tend to apologize when something is truly wrong and be more genuine. I just know we all get in the habit of OCD being this absolutely terrible thing,,; and often it is,, but it also can be a strength in some. It shows I have empathy, am loyal, and a hard worker based on my attention to detail and want for control (even with my thoughts) ♥️♥️