Is there anyone here that I can talk to about gender identity ocd ? It feels really real today and I’m just sad . I feel like my life is ruined forever

I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.

Finally slept well today! Which is nice. Regardless, I feel like it has destroyed who I am. Its been over a year and a half, and I keep overthinking and questioning my identity and I can’t let it go to the point where I feel that my future is certain, even though I’ve liked myself the entire time and had a pretty stable idea of who I was. My mind has gathered enough proof. I love being a woman, and I don’t want a different body. I wasn’t born in the wrong body. I am obsessing over my voice, which needs no changes, and my chest. After speaking to a friend of a friend, I’m afraid I’ll want a sex change when I finally have a partner. I’m terrified. I don’t know if anyone can relate. I don’t know how to get over this and my first ERP session is in about a week. How do I even go about this? I feel like a monster to my own family.

Is it normal for this theme to legit make you feel like you’re the opposite gender and that’s what you want to be and it’s very convincing? And you just keep getting images and scenarios in ur head of you transitioning and actually going through with it? This is sooo scary and i don’t feel like myself at all anymore. It’s making me not feel like a woman or myself of how I’ve always been my whole life. I’m really nervous and scared, it’s really make me feel like this is my true feelings/ self ): it’s causing me to feel weird k. My own body and feel weird about my body parts. Like my brain is literally thinking as a trans person would feel or think like wtf??? Is this normal?!? Pls someone let me know. & and it’s making me feel like I’m attracted to woman all the sudden and i keep getting flashes of that in my head. I’m in a relationship and im scared this is gonna ruin things bc the way this theme is making me feel and my body. Ugh ihml, need some advice. Has anyone experienced exactly this??