My birthday is in 2 days and my OCD is at its worse I really want to be happy by that time:(

i feel the need to say sorry because i’m posting yet again. i’m having a REALLY DIFFICULT episode of ocd that i haven’t had for a few months now. i experience contamination ocd everyday and have constant anxiety attacks, however because that’s so normal to me and doesn’t affect anyone but myself, it doesn’t affect me in the same way harm ocd does. i haven’t had to deal with really bad harm ocd thoughts for a good bit now so i’m struggling so bad right now. if anyone has seen my previous posts (which i’m sure you have), this came about over a small change that happened a couple weeks ago. it’s now blossoming into a full episode. it’s making me feel paralyzed and not want to do anything, but i know in the past i had to force myself to distract myself by actually doing things. i’m supposed to hang out with my friend tomorrow, but i’m so close to cancelling because i feel like i can’t do it. my physical symptoms are also worse than what i feel like i’m used to and it’s terrifying me into thinking i’m gonna get sick. i just don’t know how to get through it. it feels like impending doom and constant panic. i just want to feel like myself again and happy

I dont want my relapse to stop me to assist, I will go but I am sad because I don't want a beautiful moment to became horrible because the fear and dicomfort I am feelling this days. It will be a good exposure but how can I enjoy it? The depression came back, I wasn't prepared for this, like I knew OCD is chronic but I forgot it hahaha Right now I am trying just to think in short times like, 24 h and it is helping a bit Update: The day was really good !

i haven’t left my house in a whole month because of contamination OCD and it’s extremely isolating i don’t know what to do anymore i just want to be able to be happy again i feel so alone i just wish i never had this at all sometimes i just think to myself and say why me why me