Could really use someone to talk to. My emotions are clouding my judgement so badly the last couple days that I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m sorry I don’t want to be needy but I just don’t know who I am anymore right now.

Trust me man, performance anxiety is WAY more common than people will tell you it is. No Fap is actually really helpful here, both as a physical drive but also to get out of your own head, which is super important in terms of not getting anxious about, well, getting anxious. Secondly, it's okay to be gay. Not saying you are, I don't even think that you are, but it's still okay. Well done for sharing, I've also got some dark sh*t that I would never be brave enough to share. Way to go.

Hi there!

This was me a couple days ago. What are you up to?

I just can’t find a coping technique and that freaks me out. Like this has been with me for so long now that my HOCD is basically trying to convince me and one of my biggest fears is sharing all this stuff with someone and then them telling me that they think I’m gay. I’ve suffered from doubt and uncertainty my entire life and I’m afraid I’d believe them or like it’s like going to a doctor fearing the worst and it comes true. I’m not having fantasies or genuine curiosity but it’s like making me so sad that it’s killing me that I can’t find a coping technique to make it go away or even reduce it. This is hard for me to say but what happened to me is I stopped having sex after college, just never happened. And finally the first girl that wanted to sleep with me, I couldn’t perform and my anxiety took me to “if you can’t perform for a girl, maybe you’re not attracted to girls” and now that’s stuck. That’s so hard for me to say and now my emotions are completely clouding everything I knew and loved about my old self.

And then there are times that I don’t panic and that in turn gives me panic. I’m just tired of this and just want to find a way to make myself happy.

It’s going to be okay my friend. I fully understand feeling anxious about not feeling anxious. What that means is that you are truly worried about it. OCD is a huge liar about everything, even emotions. Doubt and uncertainty are also huge characteristics of OCD, so that’s what I believe this is.

I appreciate that. Really I do. That definitely helps. I know there’s nothing wrong with being gay. One of my closest friends is gay and and I’ve always supported his lifestyle. Ive gone out with hundreds of girls, made out with tons of girls at bars, always imagined myself having a gf to go on dates with. Just never got to the point of having sex. So what scares me is I can’t find a good coping technique to make myself happy and that’s where the anxiety takes over.