TFW you don’t realize just how much anxiety something causes you until you do it as an exposure and can’t do compulsions 😣 I compulsively reread work emails before and after sending them. Sent one without excessive rereading in session today - had a total anxiety attack afterwards! And then I sadly gave in and reread the email about 20 minutes after sending it. I’m disappointed that I wasn’t able to follow through with my RP plan. I guess now I know I have some work to do…

Each night I go to bed determined to stop compulsions and start beating this disorder. Then I wake up and it smacks me in the face first thing and I’m doing a compulsion before I know it. I told my therapist that I would try to handle it like we do in session, but I’ve already failed. It seems like I can’t bring ERP into my “real” life.

I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.

Everytime I do exposure therapy and even if it ends up good I get more nervous for the next time. How do I get past this I really need some help please. Now I am scared to even move the car after I drove on the main road 2 days ago.